You have my heart and we’ll never be worlds apart, may be in magazines but you’ll still be my star

So, this month’s Cosmo finally made it to my house.  You know, the one with Rihanna on the cover.

This one:

I don’t know why I get this magazine because I think most of it is stupid.  I enjoy the celebrity “interviews” and the beauty section, but that’s about it.

Anyway, I found something awesome in this month’s magazine. And it was in neither of the sections I just mentioned.

Cosmopolitan writer Jessica Knoll wrote an article in the You You You section entitled “50 Things You Should Have Never Stopped Doing.”  I saw this and was like I bet I’m awesome enough to not have stopped doing most of this stuff, because I still have my child-like wonder and enthusiasm.  Well, that and the fact that the very first thing on the list was something I definitely still do.  I will share with you now the list (out of 50) of things other people must have stopped doing but shouldn’t have that I still do.

1.)   Listen to the Spice Girls

Uhm, duh.

2.)  Doing the “Beep the Horn” gesture to truck drivers.

If I had my own computer, I could share photographic evidence. Alas, some other time.

3.)  Watching a TV show over the phone with your bestie so you can ZOMG over it together in real time.

Erica and I try to watch Glee and Teen Mom via instant message!

4.)  Driving around aimlessly, listening to John Mayer, and pretending that he’s still the sweet, soulful high school outcast who worships your wonderland body from afar.

5.)  Taking naps- get up early this weekend, run errands, be productive. Then come home and crash on the couch. It’s never going to be as good as it was after class, but at least you’re not snoozing on a futon.

Story. Of. My. Life.

6.)  Making Saturday-night plans on Saturday night.

7.)  Holding your breath when you pass a graveyard.

I did this just last week- NO JOKE.

8.)  Making cookies for the sole purpose of eating the raw batter.

9.)  Designing the cover of a mix CD with a Sharpie.

10.)Flip cup- if you had room for it in your dorm, you have room for it now.

Two weekends ago, Sen and I held it down.

11.) Always having a crush… even if you’re in a relationship… even if he’s the Jersey Shore look-alike at your gym who you would nevah date in real life.

12.)Dressing festively for the Fourth of July (and Valentine’s Day, St. Patty’s Day, etc.)

Hellooooo theme days at work!

13.)Wearing your hair in braided pigtails… guys dig that sort of naughty schoolgirl thing, in case you didn’t know.

I do a lottt of weird, ugly stuff with my hair when I’m doing homework in my room by myself.

14.)Drinking chocolate milk- research found it’s one of the best things you can drink after a workout.

15.)Sleepovers! Cover the living room floor with blankets, pillows, snacks, and since you’re legal now, lot’s of wine.

Long Live the Tripod!

16.)Shopping with Mom… she’s like a living 50-percent-off coupon.

17.)Picking out your outfit- accessories and all- the night before work as if it were the first day of school.

18.)Treating September like it’s the beginning of the year. Buy new office supplies (including cute erasers), and pledge to get an A in memo writing…

19.)Spending all day in bed watching bad Lifetime movies starring Tiffani-Amber Thiessen and Tori Spelling.

Okay, so it’s not even half but some of the shit that lady wrote were things I never did in the first place. Some of it was stupid. Or some of it was stuff that I wish I still did.

What are some of the things you used to do when you were younger that you wish you still did!?

And on your list of things to do is make me fall in love with you…

On my list of things to do:

• Clean my room
• Actually do laundry
• Color code my planner
• Read new textbooks for class
• Get a new ink cartridge for my printer
• Organize my binders/folders for class
• Alphabetize my dvds
• Vacuum

My life is so hard. lolz

Last week, I was really doing well at the whole GT part of GTL (Gym, Tan, Laundry) but every time I thought about doing laundry, I was discouraged because that required me to pick up all of the clothes that are currently hanging out on my floor. That task always seemed too daunting and required too much patience. There was never a time when I was like, yeah, I really wanna pick all this shit up right now.  I mean, sometimes I really do enjoy cleaning and making things all perfect and pretty.  Sometimes  I really love doing laundry, but these past couple of weeks I find everything about it too obnoxious and time-consuming and tedious.

Classes start this week and I’m just so unenthused.  I usually love school supplies and organizing my binders to get ready for class but I just have been putting it off.  I don’t know why.

I don’t know why I feel this way. I don’t know what’s wrong.

Something isn’t right.

Ugh.

I constantly feel like one giant ball of fail. All the time.

Sucktown, population: me.

Love, the game, intuition, play the cards with spades to start, and after he’s been hooked I’ll play the one that’s on his heart…

Until my class ends, you’re going to be experiencing really sub-par posts.  I just can’t seem to get a handle on my time-management.  For instance, while I got home today at an hour that allowed for plenty of time to achieve all of the things I needed to complete today, my time management was seriously lacking.

For instance, I meant to go to my gym this morning.  Instead, I slept in until 9:17 am and proceeded to take a thirty minute shower.  Why the hell!? What a waste of water.  And all I did was sing loudly and stand under the hot water until I decided, oh, yeah, maybe I should stop being a life-ruiner and wasting all of this water.   I mean, I didn’t even deep condition my hair, for goodness sake.  Sometimes I justify an excessively long shower by putting on a three-to-five minute conditioning treatment. Or sometimes, I justify it by shaving my legs.  I didn’t do either of those things today. Even though my legs are embarrassingly hairy right now.

Then, because my life is obviously a mess, I went to the doctor’s office to have my blood drawn for another appointment I have next week.  (Nothing major- don’t freak out.) The only thing is, my doctor is an hour away from where I live. Why is that, you might ask? Because I never have my shit together or all my ducks in a row enough to have all of my essential, necessary-for-life things all in one place.  That would be too easy.  So, I listened to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (OH MY GAWD, IT’S SO GOOD! HOW COULD I NOT HAVE READ THIS BOOK AGAIN SINCE 2004- OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!) on CD for, like, 48 minutes because I had a moment of ADD while driving where it was seriously like, zomg I can’t focus on listening right now, I need to sing my face off to some Glee covers right now, in the middle of my trip back to O-Town, but after Pokerface (with the lovely Idina Menzel) I feel I can actively listen to Harry Potter again.

So, then, I panicked in the doctor’s office because I really don’t like needles and blood really freaks me out. (Do we not all remember my bloody nose?!) But, turns out, that procedure takes all of, like, 45 seconds to complete. So I was in and out of that office.

I managed to make it to the library before all 8 or 9 of my items expired and I was hit with some outrageous fees.  I also picked up a few items that were waiting for me (The Office, Season 4; Now that’s what I call Club Hits, and Total Club Hits 2). Before you even ask, I’ll tell you why I wanted some club hits.  It’s because I’ve been trying to perfect my fist-pump so I can rock the clubs like those hooligans from the Jersey Shore.  Bahahaha! No, actually, it’s because those CDs have songs I like that have been remixed to have higher beats per minute.  I’ve been trying to create a kick-ass workout playlist so I don’t want to die when I’m at the gym.

I stopped by the bank after that and transferred some funds for my Study Abroad trip, which I’m so excited for.  Have I told you all about that yet? No? Looks like that will have to come at a later date.

I did have a long, fun lunch with one member of the Tripod, which was glorious. But after that was done, I had to drive another hour back to where I actually live.  I listened to HP the whole way home this time.  I was in a bit of a food coma, so listening was really I was capable of doing anyway.

Next, I wandered around my school trying to locate the stupid Study Abroad office. It is like Narnia or something. I have looked and looked and looked on more than one occasion and I cannot find it.  It is obviously not at all like the Room of Requirement; otherwise it would have appeared to me on one of the few occasions I have been wandering around looking for it.  And don’t tell me to just ask someone, because I totally have.  The yahoos at the information desk either don’t know where it is either or they just don’t know how to effectively communicate to me where the location of the office is.  And the office where I ended up today seemed confounded and didn’t even know where it was or how to explain how to find it to me.  Some lady told me to go to the other end of the building and that Alex’s office was on the left. The left of what?! I walked to the other end of the building and looked like an idiot, wandering around trying to find an office that will not reveal itself to me.

Sucktown, population: me.

Instead, I snuck into my mom’s office, stole one of her envelopes, wrote Alex (the study abroad advisor I have been in contact with) on the envelope along with my name and student number, sealed my first payment check inside and called it good. I told those yahoos at the information desk to just put it in his mailbox.

Then I came home, and that’s where time got away from me.  One minute I was listening to my club hits and then I got a text message about a theme day at work tomorrow, Major League Baseball.  I don’t even know what that means.  I guessed that that meant I should wear something to do with the Detroit Tigers because that’s baseball.  But then I realized I, of course, do not own anything that is Tigers- related, and I won’t just not participate in theme days. I love theme days! So you can bet your bottom dollar I went out and bought a Tigers shirt that was somewhat cute- and it was 25% off to boot!

But, because we live in the middle of BFE, it takes like 40 minutes to get anywhere. So that was a giant waste of time- except for the fact that I got to listen to Harry Potter again so it wasn’t that big of a waste.

I stumbled upon a website called Tastefully Offensive, and that was a giant time-suck.  I just kept watching video after video and giggling to myself on the couch.  I had every intention of editing a group project paper, but that didn’t start until about 8 o’clock, and it was much bigger of a task than I had originally thought. So now, I’m writing this post at the last possible second and it’s all about crap you don’t care about. And my contacts are starting to stick to my eyes and I really just want to be in my bed watching Twilight or The Office or something.

So, yeah.

kaythanksloveyougoodnightbye!

I want to be rich and I want lots of money. I don’t care about clever, I don’t care about funny. I want loads of clothes and fuckloads of diamonds….

I really, really love this.

It cracks me up every time I see it.

Also, today has been insanely busy and productive.  (Included in the long list of things that were actually productive, I tweeted to Justin Bieber today. I know you’re curious about what I tweeted to him, so I’ll tell you.)

Bahahahahaha Yup. I corrected his spelling. lol Gawd, I crack myself up!

All I want to do now, after what a day I have had, is crawl in bed and watch The Office on DVD. I can’t care about anything else today. Including this. And by “this” i mean writing this post.

So, even though I know you stopped by for your daily dose of awesome, I’m going to pretend it’s not Thursday and not feel guilty for all of the fail that is living here in this post.

KayThanksLoveYouSeeYaSunday

Also, who the fuck would ever get with Mike “The Situation” I-don’t-know-his-last-name??? Ew. No thank you.

Yes, I’ve paid the price, but look how much I gained. If I have to, I can do anything! I am strong! I am invincible! I am woman!

The Vagina Monologues, a Review: I wept.

I thought back on the days when I was a raging feminist. Those days are filled with fond memories of being offended by Chrysler commercials* promoting some van with stow-n-go seating. Memories of bitter diatribes about how men ruin everything and how Sarah Palin is a poor excuse for a woman and embarrassment. Memories of Drew telling me to go set fire to my bra or telling me I was a raging, militant feminist, a truth I was in no way ashamed of.

Those days are no more.  Unfortunately.

Actually, it’s not so much that I’m no longer a feminist. It’s not even that I have decided I don’t give a fuck about equal rights or the promotion of equality for all.  Quite the contrary. I’m still all about it. It’s just that I’m not as hardcore about it, I guess.

I used to read a lot and think critically and have thoughts and be informed and have a voice that I wanted to share.

*I’m no longer upset about Chrysler because I pretty much live under a rock and don’t read the news or watch tv. I’m like never exposed to new things because the only TV I do watch is shit like Vampire Diaries and Jersey Shore. And the only news I read is Perez Hilton. So…. Yeah. And I guess Tim Allen does the voiceovers for Chrysler, which I do enjoy.

Anyway, I went to a performance of The Vagina Monologues that was put on by my school. I can’t even imagine seeing this show put on by …actual people who do these shows for real.  I was overwhelmed from the get-go.  The very first monologue had me shivering and knowing I’d end up in tears at some point.

Some of them were sad. Some were funny. Some used a lot of dirty words. Some made you laugh. And some made you cry.  But what was really wonderful is that it’s a bunch of women saying the things that most people just never say.

I enjoyed the Vagina Workshop, My Angry Vagina and My Vagina Was my Village. I think those were what they were called.  Obviously, I enjoyed the other monologues but those three were my favorite. I think. Oh, I don’t know, because The Flood was really good too.

All I can really say is this: it’s amazing. I think it’s worth experiencing once in your life. If you can find a local performance, do it. If nothing else, it’s an experience.  (Or, at the very least, read a fucking book and educate yourself on your goddamn vagina.)

would you hold it against me?

instead of writing a proper post, i did the following:

• studied all day for my finance final exam
• bombed my finance final exam
• came home
• emptied the dishwasher
• loaded the dishwasher
• cleaned out the fridge
• fed the dog his glucosamine
• saw the new britney spears video for “hold it against me”
• half-watched jersey shore
• talked to seneca
• decided to watch national treasure before i go to bed (even though i hate nicholas cage)

i was all cosy in my bed when i realized it was nearly midnight and I hadn’t posted. ugh.

i’m going to bed. i don’t feel much like writing/sharing. i’m sorry. my exam kinda bummed me out. 😦

Got a secret. Can you keep it? Swear this one you’ll save. Better lock it in your pocket, takin’ this one to the grave. If I show you, then I know you, won’t tell what I said. ‘Cause two can keep a secret if one of them is dead.

Two weeks ago, I asked someone to show me how to use my financial calculator.

I bought (and when I say “I,” I mean my mom bought me) said financial calculator four years ago. For my accounting class. Which I bombed.

Maybe if I would have known how to use my calculator I wouldn’t have sucked so hard at Accounting 201 at Michigan State. Or, maybe if I went to class when I wasn’t hungover and counting down the minutes until I got to leave I would have done marginally well. Or, maybe if I wouldn’t have taken those two pulls (I have a very low tolerance for alcohol, read: I’m what one would call a “lightweight”) from a bottle of Bacardi before the final I would have passed. There were probably many factors contributing to my lack of success.

Anyway, I finally know how to use a few of the functions on this financial calculator. Good news, considering I’m taking a finance class right now.

This boy (man?) who taught me how to use my calculator was someone who has been in at least two of my other classes but to whom I have never spoken. Tonight, we conversed even more. And not about how to use my calculator.

We talked about Jersey Shore.

It just brings people together.

I kind of love that about that show. It’s appalling and terrible for society. Every time I watch it, I always just wonder, is this real life?! And it never ceases to amaze me that those people are real. Despite knowing it adds no real value to society and probably makes me dumber when I watch it, I can’t stop. I am in it. It’s like I know better but keep making poor life choices. I’m like those idiot drug addicts on Intervention who keep doing dumb shit that is bad for them. The show cracks my shit up. I laugh out loud every single time I see an episode.

It sucked me in and won’t let me go!

Another thing that sucked me in? Pretty Little Liars on ABC Family.

What the fuck is that show? Seriously.

I read the first four books and then bailed because I decided I’m not a slutty 14-year-old, and the show had already started and I figured that was good enough. But then I stopped watching the show because I was always doing something else when it was on and it was just too much work to have to keep up online.

Here’s the thing though, I watched the season premiere this January and decided I would commit myself to it. Idiot. Because now I’m still doing something else when it comes on and that means I have to catch up online, which is exactly what happened last time! So today, I thought to myself, Self, it’s okay to not catch up on Pretty Little Liars. It’s okay to bail again. Just give it up. Let it go. It’s okay.

I felt good about this decision.

Until right now, when I saw a preview for next week’s Pretty Little Liars. It made me wanna watch it real bad. So I guess that’s that. I’m gonna make that effort to watch it.

Gosh, my life is so rough.

Ps. Betcha didn’t see Pretty Little Liars coming from the talk about my financial calculator. Yeah, that’s just how my brain works.

We are the champions, my friends, and we’ll keep on fighting ’til the end. We are the champions, we are the champions! No time for losers, ’cause we are the champions of the world!

1.) The only reason I enjoyed this Sunday is because I know I don’t have to be at work tomorrow because of Columbus Day. Love Love Love.

2.) You know how in Jersey Shore the boys sing “T shirt tiiiiiiiiiime!  T shirt tiiiiiiiime!” over and over before they go out and while they wear the “shirt before the shirt”?? Well, I love that they do that. It cracks me up. And last night before we went out, Megan and I sang “T shirt tiiiiiiiiime!” and it was awesome. We didn’t change our clothes for the song or anything but it was cool anyway.

3.) I was supremely hungover today.

4.) MSU beat U of M yesterday. I’m not a huge sports fan, as you know, but I really, really love the rivalry between the two schools, and it just feels really good to know that my school is better than that other school for another year.  I actually did watch the second half of the game, though, so I felt like I participated in the win.  I took a nap during the first half. It was a good one.

5.) I went to a hockey game with my friends from work on Friday. I know I have talked about this before, but I’m gonna say it again because it’s still definitely true. Yes, hockey is hot. It is. But I just can’t get past the violence. It’s so violent. And the refs just allow the fighting. I can’t understand that! If that was my honey out there, I wouldn’t be able to watch. How does Carrie Underwood do it?! And then at one of the breaks between periods (yeah, I know there are three periods in a hockey game), there was this hockey team made up of little kids. They were so precious. And I got worried and a little upset because someday if I have babies I just don’t think I could watch my little one play hockey. I would cry the whole time and be like DON’T HURT MY BABY!!! I’m such a pansy. The hockey game really made me want to watch the Mighty Ducks trilogy.

6.) My class ends this week. I am SO excited for this class to be over. This has been the most frustrating class of my MBA program and it’s deeply upsetting. I had a meltdown a couple weeks ago about it. I just can’t get an A in this class to save my life. It really, really bothers me!

7.) Speaking of my class ending, that means I have a week of no classes before the next session starts. During that week, I will be on vacation. Starting this Friday after work, I will have an entire week of vacation. I’m not going anywhere, so it’s a stay-cation but I’m still really excited. I have so much to do! I need to get a haircut, finalize my Halloween costume, and help Mom move to the new house! Busy, busy, busy!!

8.) I am watching How I Met Your Mother again. Season 3 this time. I just finished the episode where Barney and Robin sleep together. Ted got really mad but I totally dig the idea of Barney and Robin together. I have trouble reminding myself that tv shows aren’t real life and that those people don’t actually exist.

May God bless and keep you always, may your wishes all come true, may you always do for others, and let others do for you, may you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung, may you stay forever young

So, as I told you earlier this week, I’m sick.

It’s really just a bad cold, but it’s completely wiped me out. And I can’t really breathe, so I’ve become a mouth-breather which both annoys and upsets me. I also basically have no voice, so that’s awesome. And when people interact with me, the know I’m sick and pretty much just want me to not touch, breathe on, or be near anything.

So today I just basked in my own sickness, pretty much.

I began my day with my “daily alarm” on my phone going off. I didn’t have to have a “daily alarm” today since I wasn’t going to work. This daily alarm very deeply confused me. It was still dark out and it was as if I lost all ability to read a clock. The numbers meant nothing to me. And then I couldn’t figure out what the noise was or how to make it stop. Finally, I figured it out and zonked back out. The meds I took before going to bed should have worn off by the time the alarm went off, but I was seriously confused.

I woke up and decided to watch Shakespeare in Love. I had never seen it before and let me just tell you this: I loooooved it. I decided that I must own that movie.

After I finished that movie, I thought I should probably work on my hygiene. I took a shower, mostly because I hoped that the steam from the shower would let me be able to breathe.

It should also be noted that the only good part about being sick is that it’s a perfectly legitimate excuse to do absolutely nothing but chill out and watch movies. All day long. There is no guilt associated with the degree of lazy being sick allows.  That’s the silver lining.

I watched a lot of tv today. I caught up on all the new tv shows that I have missed. There is way too much on tv for anyone to possibly be able to watch it when it’s actually on. I just have so many shows I would like to watch and not enough time to watch them all. Are you ready for my list?  Can you handle it?

MONDAY:

• The Event on NBC at 9pm
• Hawaii Five-O on CBS at 10pm
• Chase on NBC at 10pm

TUESDAY:

• Glee on FOX at 8pm
• Running Wilde on FOX at 9:30pm
• Teen Mom on MTV at 10pm
• Parenthood on NBC at 10pm

WEDNESDAY:

I have nothing listed.

THURSDAY:

• My Generation on ABC at 8pm (I haven’t seen that one yet.)
• Vampire Diaries on CW at 8pm
• Grey’s Anatomy on ABC at 9pm
• Jersey Shore on MTV at 10pm

See?! It’s obscene! There’s no way I can watch all of that. PLUS, The Good Wife is coming back soon and I really, really like that show.  So that’ll be one more show I won’t have time to watch. Luckily, it’s possible to watch tv online. But still. Finding the time to do that is hard. Maybe I should hope to get more gnarly colds like this one. Because today has afforded me to watch a lot of tv today. I’m practically all caught-up.

What shows do you watch? Is your tv schedule as obscene as mine? What shows am I missing?!?!

And on your list of things to do is make me fall in love with you

1.) Mickey Rourke freaks me the eff out.

2.) I really love watching Jersey Shore, even though I feel like it makes me dumber every passing minute. It’s also bad for society. We shouldn’t be rewarding that kind of behavior. Too bad it’s entertaining as hell.

3.) I’m (still) in love with Eminem (or, all over again, rather.)

4.) I am psyched for the VMAs tonight.  Chelsea Handler is hosting. It’s going to be amazing. Ohhhh, and Justin Bieber is performing. Win.

5.)  I read Diablo Cody’s memoir, Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper in almost one sitting. I loved it. It was outrageous and hilarious. And dirty and kind of gross. But, whatever. I was entertained.

6.) I juuuuust started reading The Pact: A Love Story by Jodi Picoult.  I’m really excited. I think it’s going to be awesome.

7.) The sun is shining through the window directly into my eyes. I hope I don’t go blind.

9.) This is the second Sunday in row that I have made a list of random things.

10.) I think I’m going to continue this trend. I like it. I like lists.

11.) Get on board, readers. This is just the beginning of this List of Random Shit Sundays thing.