Archive for June, 2011


So, I have been mentioning my trip to Europe a lot lately.

In case I haven’t fully explained what’s happening, that’s what this post will be about.

For three weeks, I will be in Europe.  I am doing a three-week study abroad program for my MBA and will be taking a finance class and fulfilling credits for my Capstone while I am over there.  These next three weeks will be spent in London, Paris, and Barcelona.  We will have the opportunity to tour a few companies and understand international business practices.

I am so, so excited, I cannot even tell you!

For one thing, I have never traveled anywhere that far away by myself before.  I know I won’t really be alone alone but I don’t know anyone in my study abroad program so it feels like I’m alone.  Also, I meant that in the sense that I haven’t traveled somewhere (especially this far away) without my family (or a friend) by my side or who was meeting me at my destination.  I haven’t been away from friends or family for that long before either.

I live such a sheltered life.

I have been to Europe three times before, so it won’t be completely foreign to me.  When I was in seventh grade, Tam, Drew and I ventured to Italy for Tam’s 40th birthday.  Then, my senior year of high school, Tam took us to London for spring break.  Four years later, when Drewy was a senior in high school, we went back to London for spring break but this time we added a few days in Paris.

Having never been to Spain, I am beyond excited to experience an entirely new city.  I have only heard good things about Barcelona!

Here’s the thing though: I have a crazy amount of anxiety about the trip.  I am a terrible flyer. I hate packing. I’m nervous about my Final Exam in my econ class tomorrow. I haven’t started packing.  There’s an e. coli outbreak in Europe. My mom keeps asking me questions and it’s freaking me out. What if I cry on the plane and become that girl who cried on the plane? What if I get homesick and miss my mom too much?

I wanted to let you know that this will be my last post until I return, which is July 8.  I am going on a little hiatus, if you will.  I just don’t know what kind of schedule I can maintain while I’m there, and I just really want to experience all that I can while I’m there. I do hope you understand….

Anyway, I need to review some of my econ stuff and actually start packing.

(Except, when I say that, I know that I’ll just sit on the couch and watch Tangled with Seneca, since she’s here because she can’t bear the thought of being without one leg of the tripod for three weeks.)

LAHV YEW.

Oh, here’s this for you too. I found it on tumblr somewhere.

I'm done packing.

I have been sitting on my ass all day.

It’s a little hard since I have a bruise the size of my palm on my right ass cheek and it hurts really bad.

I’m sure you’re wondering why there’s a giant bruise on my butt. Well, dear readers, today is your lucky day.  I’ll tell you.

Last night, there was a mini-bar crawl kind of thing that went down in EL for Sully’s 21st birthday.  Everything was going well, except there were a couple times when I wished I was wearing different shoes.

The first instance was when Seneca and I went to the bathroom.  There was a part of the tile floor missing, creating a little lake of mysterious liquid.  My basically naked foot ended up in said lake.  That’ll teach me to wear flip flops.

Before I tell you the second time I really wished I was wearing different shoes I need to preface it with this question. Have you ever been walking on a wet surface while wearing flip flops? Have you ever had that moment of panic that comes when you feel your feet slide because the wet surface and the poor traction of the flip flop?

I promise that this injury had nothing to do with the level of intoxication. It has everything to do with the fact that flip flops fail in the face of liquid.

When I jumped down from a ledge that I happened to be standing/dancing on, I bit it.

My flip flops hit the water/beer/liquor/mixed drink wet spot and my feet flew out from under me.  There was nothing I could do.  I slid into my brother’s friend, slammed my ass on the ledge and scraped the hell out of my elbow.

I couldn’t decide what hurt more: my pride or my body.

The verdict: my body.

Sweet baby Jesus. It is currently 11:34 pm Thursday, June 9.  I just realized it is Thursday and I hadn’t posted yet.

I’ve been working on a finance case study and feeling anxiety about my final project for my econ class.

I’m also getting sick again.  It started with a stuffy nose yesterday. I woke up this morning feeling like death.  I decided to skip the gym and sleep until I felt better. I finally got up at 11am because I was already disgusted with myself for sleeping that late in the day, despite the fact that I was not feeling well.  All day long I felt extreme sinus pressure and my voice sounded a little off.  Now my throat is killing me and I just hope this goes away before Thursday, when I board my plane for London.

This is how today began:

Strugz City!

Today, obviously, didn’t go as planned.

When I went to get my oil changed, I realized that the hood of my car wouldn’t pop open.  The dude at the oil change place was little to no help and when I called my parents (yes, both of them), they didn’t really tell me anything I wasn’t already thinking.  I decided to take my car to the dealership and be like WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?! Except, I didn’t tell them about the scary noise it makes; I didn’t want them to take my car away from me! I just told the man that my little latchy-thing didn’t work and that the top part of my car wouldn’t open.

I spent the next hour and forty-seven minutes of my life listening to the Doppler radar report in the sitting/waiting area in the car dealership and reading the latest Newsweek.

Turns out the latch for the hood was corroded (or something???), so, for $20, they repaired that for me.  Then, they changed my oil because the man knew that I needed to get that done.  And they replaced my air filter because mine was apparently “pretty nasty looking.”

I mean, I guess I could have said no, but meh… if it’s something I’m breathing on a regular basis, I suppose I would like that to be clean.

So, 75 dollhairs later, I left the dealership and drove like a bat out of hell to Best Buy.

While I was waiting Janine (my car) to be finished with her high-maintenance bullshit, I had received a phone call from the Geek Squad at Best Buy, alerting me that my computer (JOY!) was ready to be picked up.  When I got there, I had to wait in line (Sucktown!) but I had ample time to people-watch, one of my favorite activities.  Finally, I was reunited with my computer, who had gotten a brand new motherboard.  All of my data remained on my hard-drive and everything was normal and perfect.

Obviously, the day turned into this:

Now I’m going to continue with my finance case study and drink some tea to ease my sore throat.

Please think happy thoughts and send me some “get better” vibes so I won’t be sick while I’m in Europe!! Also, thinking some “I hope you get the job you interviewed for this week!” vibes wouldn’t hurt either.

Believe it or not, I really am trying to get all my ducks in a row…

So, this month’s Cosmo finally made it to my house.  You know, the one with Rihanna on the cover.

This one:

I don’t know why I get this magazine because I think most of it is stupid.  I enjoy the celebrity “interviews” and the beauty section, but that’s about it.

Anyway, I found something awesome in this month’s magazine. And it was in neither of the sections I just mentioned.

Cosmopolitan writer Jessica Knoll wrote an article in the You You You section entitled “50 Things You Should Have Never Stopped Doing.”  I saw this and was like I bet I’m awesome enough to not have stopped doing most of this stuff, because I still have my child-like wonder and enthusiasm.  Well, that and the fact that the very first thing on the list was something I definitely still do.  I will share with you now the list (out of 50) of things other people must have stopped doing but shouldn’t have that I still do.

1.)   Listen to the Spice Girls

Uhm, duh.

2.)  Doing the “Beep the Horn” gesture to truck drivers.

If I had my own computer, I could share photographic evidence. Alas, some other time.

3.)  Watching a TV show over the phone with your bestie so you can ZOMG over it together in real time.

Erica and I try to watch Glee and Teen Mom via instant message!

4.)  Driving around aimlessly, listening to John Mayer, and pretending that he’s still the sweet, soulful high school outcast who worships your wonderland body from afar.

5.)  Taking naps- get up early this weekend, run errands, be productive. Then come home and crash on the couch. It’s never going to be as good as it was after class, but at least you’re not snoozing on a futon.

Story. Of. My. Life.

6.)  Making Saturday-night plans on Saturday night.

7.)  Holding your breath when you pass a graveyard.

I did this just last week- NO JOKE.

8.)  Making cookies for the sole purpose of eating the raw batter.

9.)  Designing the cover of a mix CD with a Sharpie.

10.)Flip cup- if you had room for it in your dorm, you have room for it now.

Two weekends ago, Sen and I held it down.

11.) Always having a crush… even if you’re in a relationship… even if he’s the Jersey Shore look-alike at your gym who you would nevah date in real life.

12.)Dressing festively for the Fourth of July (and Valentine’s Day, St. Patty’s Day, etc.)

Hellooooo theme days at work!

13.)Wearing your hair in braided pigtails… guys dig that sort of naughty schoolgirl thing, in case you didn’t know.

I do a lottt of weird, ugly stuff with my hair when I’m doing homework in my room by myself.

14.)Drinking chocolate milk- research found it’s one of the best things you can drink after a workout.

15.)Sleepovers! Cover the living room floor with blankets, pillows, snacks, and since you’re legal now, lot’s of wine.

Long Live the Tripod!

16.)Shopping with Mom… she’s like a living 50-percent-off coupon.

17.)Picking out your outfit- accessories and all- the night before work as if it were the first day of school.

18.)Treating September like it’s the beginning of the year. Buy new office supplies (including cute erasers), and pledge to get an A in memo writing…

19.)Spending all day in bed watching bad Lifetime movies starring Tiffani-Amber Thiessen and Tori Spelling.

Okay, so it’s not even half but some of the shit that lady wrote were things I never did in the first place. Some of it was stupid. Or some of it was stuff that I wish I still did.

What are some of the things you used to do when you were younger that you wish you still did!?

Because my life is pretty much consumed by homework right now, at least until I leave for (and return from) Europe, and because my computer is sick and no longer in my possession, I have turned to mind-numbing movies to fill the silence.  I can’t focus when things are too quiet.  I have to have background noise when I do homework. Actually, I pretty much require background noise always, but that is neither here nor there. My point is that I have “watched” a lot of musicals this week.

Usually, I use my iTunes to enhance my homework time.  I have an entire playlist dedicated to instrumental music.  It includes original scores to some of my favorite movies and the classics, you know, Mozart, Pachelbel, Beethoven, Brahms. Usually, if I listen to words in songs, I’ll sing along rather than actually absorb whatever information I’m reading.

It was a little weird at first, not having my computer with my iTunes to help lull me into the homework zone.  I started by playing the Harry Potter movies sequentially.  Those are movies that I can have in the background and effectively complete my econ homework but that I can also easily get sucked into watching.  Luckily, when I sat down with the intent to do homework, the movies weren’t distracting. In fact, I am so familiar with the scores to each of the movies that not only did I find myself quoting the lines of the movie, I also found myself humming along to the music in the background of each scene.  Nerd alert!

Last night, like the cool person that I am, I sat down to write my discussion questions for Econ and a website review for my Finance class, I decided that I should put in a musical, that way I wouldn’t be too tempted to sit and actually watch the movie.  I started with Mamma Mia and then moved onto the High School Musical Movies.

I didn’t think this would be problematic. I thought that since I’m so familiar with the HSM movies, I would be able to tune out and not care about what was happening on screen.

No such luck.

The HSM movies are so appalling to me that I sit and watch and giggle to myself at how ridiculous they are.  (Obviously, this does not negate the fact that I own all three on DVD, can quote each movie, and know all the words to every single song.) I may be 23 years old, but I can’t help but love Disney.

This led me to think about how awesome Disney Channel Original Movies were when I was younger.  I grew up with Even Stevens and Lizzie McGuire; I know those aren’t movies but I loved them nonetheless. I lived for the Zenon Trilogy. Ryan Merriman was my teenage dream, with Smart House and Luck of the IrishStep-Sister from Planet Weird was awesome. I look(ed) forward to Halloweentown every single October.  I didn’t even really like the Thirteenth Year, but I watched that shit every single time I saw that it was on.  I cried when I watched Tru Confessions and told anyone who would listen that Shia LaBeouf’s performance was beyond excellent.

Dude, what happened to the youth of America? Why is everything (with the exception of Wizards of Waverly Place) on the Disney Channel so fucking stupid?!

I guess I’ll just continue watching High School Musical 3: Senior Year as I begin my never-ending finance homework.  Nothing like financial risk to get the mind racing and the blood pumping!

This summer may very well be my busiest one yet.

Not that I’m complaining or anything. Of course.

 

I don’t know how to reach you.

I don’t know how to be there for you. I don’t know what to say or how to talk to you.

I know that you’re going through something and that nothing I say or do will make it hurt less.

You’re my best friend and I love you. I love you beyond words and it hurts me that I can’t help you.

Because you’re hurting, I let the fact that you hurt my feelings go.  I didn’t tell you that it hurts me when you don’t tell me these things. I didn’t tell you that I can still hear your voice in my head, replaying that time you told me I’m not good at feelings and that I’m the last person on earth with whom anyone should talk about emotions. I didn’t tell you that hearing about what happened after the fact, after you had already spilled your heart to the other leg of the Tripod, as you do every single time you have any real emotions, I felt sad and left-out.

I don’t tell you these things because, this time, it’s not about me.

You were there for me when I needed you. When I cried countless times because my heart hurt over the complete deterioration of the friendship I had with my so-called best friend, you were there. Even when I repeated myself and when you couldn’t understand how I could be feeling the way I was, you listened. You listened, and you cared, and you showed up when I needed you.

I’m so sorry that you feel I haven’t done the same for you.

I wish you’d talk to me and stop shutting me out.  I wish things didn’t feel so weird. I don’t understand what happened or even how to make it better.

I don’t know what to say.

Sometimes people just need space. Sometimes it just takes time to sort through all of those thoughts and feelings. That’s what I thought I was doing, giving you time and space to feel sad and mend your broken heart.  But it’s been a few days now and I haven’t heard anything and we haven’t talked.  I don’t like how we left things.

I don’t know how to make this better. You know I’m no good with confrontation, not when it’s something like this.  Not when it feels like there’s something as awesome as the Tripod at stake.  Things feel fragile and I can’t see where to step to make a move.

For once, I feel like I don’t know you. I feel like I don’t know how to read you. You feel so far away. I can’t figure out what you’re thinking or try to guess how you’d respond to any of the actions I have almost made.

I just miss you is all. I want things to go back to normal, and I want you to talk to me. I want to be there for you. I want you to tell me that you’re hurting but that our friendship matters.

I don’t know how to reach you.