Tag Archive: cosmo


So, this month’s Cosmo finally made it to my house.  You know, the one with Rihanna on the cover.

This one:

I don’t know why I get this magazine because I think most of it is stupid.  I enjoy the celebrity “interviews” and the beauty section, but that’s about it.

Anyway, I found something awesome in this month’s magazine. And it was in neither of the sections I just mentioned.

Cosmopolitan writer Jessica Knoll wrote an article in the You You You section entitled “50 Things You Should Have Never Stopped Doing.”  I saw this and was like I bet I’m awesome enough to not have stopped doing most of this stuff, because I still have my child-like wonder and enthusiasm.  Well, that and the fact that the very first thing on the list was something I definitely still do.  I will share with you now the list (out of 50) of things other people must have stopped doing but shouldn’t have that I still do.

1.)   Listen to the Spice Girls

Uhm, duh.

2.)  Doing the “Beep the Horn” gesture to truck drivers.

If I had my own computer, I could share photographic evidence. Alas, some other time.

3.)  Watching a TV show over the phone with your bestie so you can ZOMG over it together in real time.

Erica and I try to watch Glee and Teen Mom via instant message!

4.)  Driving around aimlessly, listening to John Mayer, and pretending that he’s still the sweet, soulful high school outcast who worships your wonderland body from afar.

5.)  Taking naps- get up early this weekend, run errands, be productive. Then come home and crash on the couch. It’s never going to be as good as it was after class, but at least you’re not snoozing on a futon.

Story. Of. My. Life.

6.)  Making Saturday-night plans on Saturday night.

7.)  Holding your breath when you pass a graveyard.

I did this just last week- NO JOKE.

8.)  Making cookies for the sole purpose of eating the raw batter.

9.)  Designing the cover of a mix CD with a Sharpie.

10.)Flip cup- if you had room for it in your dorm, you have room for it now.

Two weekends ago, Sen and I held it down.

11.) Always having a crush… even if you’re in a relationship… even if he’s the Jersey Shore look-alike at your gym who you would nevah date in real life.

12.)Dressing festively for the Fourth of July (and Valentine’s Day, St. Patty’s Day, etc.)

Hellooooo theme days at work!

13.)Wearing your hair in braided pigtails… guys dig that sort of naughty schoolgirl thing, in case you didn’t know.

I do a lottt of weird, ugly stuff with my hair when I’m doing homework in my room by myself.

14.)Drinking chocolate milk- research found it’s one of the best things you can drink after a workout.

15.)Sleepovers! Cover the living room floor with blankets, pillows, snacks, and since you’re legal now, lot’s of wine.

Long Live the Tripod!

16.)Shopping with Mom… she’s like a living 50-percent-off coupon.

17.)Picking out your outfit- accessories and all- the night before work as if it were the first day of school.

18.)Treating September like it’s the beginning of the year. Buy new office supplies (including cute erasers), and pledge to get an A in memo writing…

19.)Spending all day in bed watching bad Lifetime movies starring Tiffani-Amber Thiessen and Tori Spelling.

Okay, so it’s not even half but some of the shit that lady wrote were things I never did in the first place. Some of it was stupid. Or some of it was stuff that I wish I still did.

What are some of the things you used to do when you were younger that you wish you still did!?

All I wanted to do was sneak by Stella and try to use food against her; a form of trickery used to entice her into interacting with Chief.

She was hovering at the inside staircase and, not wanting to disturb her, I thought I’d ninja my way downstairs using the other set of stairs. Only, when I tried to go in the garage and have Chiefy follow me (so Tam could talk Stella into coming into the kitchen), Chiefy wouldn’t come with me. He hovered at the top step and stopped. He gave me a look that said, “No fucking way, crazy lady.”

It was only when I saw the following when I realized that he was really saying “Kate, something is not right. There is a critter in my food bin. And it looks like it might want to kill you.”

Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod!!!

I hopped back into the house and tried to catch my breath.

There’s a fucking possum in Chief’s food! A POSSUM!! Oh my god, Mom, what do we do?!

Remember that time I talked about how I do not possess grace under fire? Yeahhhhh.

My first instinct was to find the camera while Tam poked her head out the door, armed with the swiffer. “Oy!” she yelled and then slammed the door.

I burst into laughter while she walked back into the kitchen, trying to think of what to do.

Oy? That’s your go-to?! I don’t think possums speak Yiddish!

I could not stop laughing.

But then we got serious: What the fuck do we do?!

I was against calling animal/critter control because I am under the assumption that they come to get the animal and then kill it. I swear to the heavens that the “technician” would just tell me they weren’t going to kill it but once they take it away, they totally do kill it. That’s not okay with me. I may not want it in my dog’s food bin and so close to the entrance to my home, but I do want it to be able to find its babies and significant other and live a long, healthy life in the wild.

I’m that person that cried when I ran over a squirrel on accident. I shooed a giant-ass spider out of my room and into the cool October air using a page I ripped out of Cosmo magazine because I couldn’t bring myself to kill it. I just can’t do it. I can’t bear the thought of that little so-ugly-it’s-cute creature being put to death just because it was hunting for food.

That’s like killing Aladdin.

Not everyone can be so lucky as to marry a princess in Agrabah.

So, Tam called our old neighbor, a close family friend who came to the rescue all the other times we had weird animal issues. You know, like that time we came home from London the first time to find a duck was trapped in our chimney. We tried her first suggestion: make a lot of noise. Tam banged some pots and pans together while I let Nikki talk me into contacting Animal Control because she told me that her husband said Animal Control doesn’t kill the animals they capture.

The local office was closed and the lady answering the 1-800 number calls wanted to take my information to have a “technician” call me in the morning. I was like, “Uhm, lady, I don’t want this possum in my garage with my dog’s food all night long. I’ll figure something else out. I’ll just wing it. Thanks anyway.”

I poked my head out one more time.

This little critter had to go.

That’s when shit got real.

We both put boots on, zipped ourselves into our coats and found the thickest gloves we could find.  Tam, armed with a broom this time, tried to ninja herself past the possum and sneak attack by putting the lid to the food bin back on.  It didn’t work out as planned.  I stood, like a pansy, at the door, narrating the possum’s thoughts out loud. You know, like that’s really helpful. But when the possum showed his scary teeth and started hissing, I shut the door and whined. I opened the door again and watched as Tam tried again to put the top on.

Success!!

With the lid safely on the bin, we could begin the move down the driveway. We carried the bin filled with dog food and possum all the way down the driveway and across the street, to a nice snow bank near a bundle of trees.  The plan was that we would dump the food and the possum out of the bin and then run back towards the house.  Things went according to plan in the sense that I ran like hell through the puddles of melted snow back to the house. But I realized that Tam was still back there, with the bin of food, the snow bank and the possum.  A moment later, I saw her walking towards me with the empty bin in hand.  She had surrendered the lid and the scoop used to measure Chief’s food to the possum.

We’re gonna go see if the possum has decided to give us the lid back.

Wish us luck!

While we were in Philadelphia this weekend, I was reminded of something I love.

Something I simply cannot get enough of.

Something I wish I could constantly have in my life.

Something that just doesn’t get old.

Rob, a friend from college who now is all fancy and lives in New York City, met up with Erica and I in Philadelphia. He is the reason I am going through withdrawal. On two counts. Rude.

Robby & I after graduation! Go Green!

First of all, I hate him for making me love him and then leaving to go live a fancy life so far away.

Second, I hate him for reminding me of my love of Play by Givenchy and Justin Timberlake. It’s like THE BEST SMELL EVER. For men.

Robby wears Play. And I smelled him last weekend and fell in love all over again. (With him. And with Play.)

I remember clear as day the first time I smelled it. I shit you not. It’s, like, locked in my memory. I was flipping through Cosmo like MONTHS ago.

(Side note: I would just like to say that yes, I do subscribe to Cosmo. But it should also be noted that Drew usually got to it before I did. And sometimes Sully. Yes, Drew, you can be embarrassed that I announced it on my blog. Because the viewership has increased since I started it in June. And your secrets just keep spilling out of me. LAHV YEW!! That totally just reminded me of Mean Girls . You know, the part where all the girls are in the gym doing trust falls? And Karen apologizes to Gretchen for laughing at her for the time she got diarrhea at Barnes & Noble, and that she was sorry for repeating the story in front of everyone right then. Omg. That movie is genius. I love you, Tina Fey.)

Anyway.

Gosh, my ADD really needs to chill out.

Okay. I was “reading” Cosmo and all of a sudden it was like BAM!! HELLO BEST SMELL EVER!!! So you can bet your bottom dollar that I ripped open that tiny little flap of paper to sniff the tester page of this fragrance.  And when I looked to see what it was that I had pressed against my face, I saw Justin Timberlake. DOUBLE WIN!

LOOK AT HIM. HOT. AS. HELL.

This stuff is like catnip to me.

I smell it and just… want to breathe more than normal.

I cannot describe to you what it smells like, nor can I explain to you the degree to which I love this smell. It’s just amazing. And if I smelled it in real life, I would probably be embarrassed by my response to it.

It’s that good.

And every time Rob would walk by after he put it on, I just followed behind him sniffing the air he left.

Cannot. Get. Enough.

So, pretty much, I’m obsessed again.

Thanks a lot, Rob. Oh, and you too, Justin Timberlake. You just had to go ahead and render me completely out of my mind at the smell of the sexiest man-smell ever.

Oh, I doubt I need to make this disclaimer but, um, I haven’t been compensated in any way to plug this product. It just smells really, really good. And when I was cleaning up my closet and saw all of my perfumes, I thought of the one smell I wished I could smell at any given moment.

I need a boyfriend. So he can wear this. And I can behave like a cat that was recently given catnip. Or something??

Cats are funny.

lolz

 

While we were in Philadelphia this weekend, I was reminded of something I love.

Something I simply cannot get enough of.

Something I wish I could constantly have in my life.

Something that just doesn’t get old.

Rob, a friend from college who now is all fancy and lives in New York City, met up with Erica and I in Philadelphia. He is the reason I am going through withdrawal. On two counts. Rude.