Tag Archive: blackberry


For Christmas, I gave Nikki a gift card to a salon/spa with the intent that we would get pedicures together. Well, as fate would have it, as a birthday activity, Nikki and I went to get pedicures yesterday afternoon. For an hour and a half, we sat in cushy, black recliners while we soaked our feet in warm water and got to have our toes painted.

I happen to be very, very ticklish, a fact I always seem to forget until someone is touching my feet.

Anyway, yes, for an hour and a half my feet were very well taken care of. And then I put my socks back on and shoved my feet into my boots and we ventured back out into the Michigan snow.

Later that night, I slipped my stocking-covered feet into some black ballet flats while me and my gal pals terrorized East Lansing once again as we tried to “re-do” new year’s eve.

My toes were perfect. Not a chip or a smudge.

When I went to put on some fuzzy socks I noticed that something is not quite right with my toes. I think it has something to do with the fact that the three toesies in the middle on my left foot also kind of hurt.

I’m sure you’re wondering why that might be.

Don’t worry, I’ll tell you.

This morning, after I woke up and told Megan that I had yet another dream where I was about to die, and after I asked her if she wanted me to give her a wet-willy, we decided we’d venture downstairs to reunite with the last leg of our Tripod. Megan left the room and headed down the stairs before me because I turned back thinking I would bring my fleece love-knot blanket and LP down with me. Then, because I realized that my hands were already full with a three-quarter of the way full plastic cup of water and my crackberry, I decided I could live without LP and good ole fleecey.  At least for the time being.

I had taken maybe two steps when I turned my head to say, “I’ll come back for you!” in a whisper to LP when all hell broke loose.

Before I knew it, I was in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the stairs with nothing but an empty cup in my hand.

I’d just like to point out that Megan’s stairway is very, very steep and it’s probably a safety hazard. I’m not just an idiot who doesn’t know how to do steps.

Megan came back from wherever she had been and then started laughing when she saw that I wasn’t actually hurt. Apparently, all she heard was a big thuddddd and a “whoa” and knew she needed to check on me.

After I picked myself up off the floor, I went to go tell Seneca that I had just bit it down the stairs but my first question was if she was even awake. The response I got? Something along the lines of “how could I not be?!”  While she didn’t hear the “whoa” punctuating my fall, she did hear me whine, “Ohhh, now I’m all wet!”

I’m pretty sure I’m not telling this right because I was laughing my ass off as the three of us regaled the hilarity it was to know that I took a tumble down the stairs.

My point is, now one of my toenails is a tiny bit chipped and there’s some degree of rug burn on my three middle toes on just my one foot.

If we could have filmed me busting my ass like that, I totally could have won some money on America’s Funniest Home Videos.

I pretty much just need my own camera crew, a few corporate sponsors and a reality show/development deal with a major TV network. I’m pretty sure I’ve got my life all mapped out.

I went to bed last night with the intent of sleeping in.

With today being my day off, I figured I’d have a niiiiice leisurely morning. I’d wake up, put some pants on, and sneak up on the cat on my way to the kitchen to get some pumpkin cake for breakfast because it’s October and pumpkin cake is a staple in our house in the fall. It’s truly glorious.  I would snuggle back in my bed and watch an episode of The West Wing. I figured I’d shower and then spend an obscene amount of time flat-ironing my hair, simply because I had the time. Then I thought I’d sort my laundry and do a load or two. Thought maybe I’d finish putting all the random shit sitting on my dresser away and color-code the next three weeks in my planner. Maybe I’d finally put the movies away by the TV in the upstairs living room. Maybe I’d finally get around to backing up all of my recently added music on my iTunes. I figured I’d even paint my nails, since it’s been over a week since I’ve done that.  I thought I’d meet up with Nikki for lunch and then we’d spend the afternoon scrapbooking.

The life I lead is a little rough. I know.

My phone rang at a quarter after eight this morning. It scared the hell out of me. I was confused. And worried something bad had happened. It was work. I hoped I wouldn’t be asked to come in. Luckily, that didn’t happen. But once I was off the phone, I was totally awake. I hopped out of bed with the intention of starting my laundry but then I remembered I didn’t know how our brand new washing machine worked because it’s pretty much from the future.  So instead I brushed my teeth then crawled back into bed.   So much for being productive.

Nikki bbm’d me just after I got out of the shower and alerted me to the “weather situation” occurring in the area.  We solidified our plans for lunch and scrapbooking and I started blow-drying my hair. But then she called me back because she was driving to let me know that there was indeed a tornado warning in effect.

Uhhhhm. This entire back side of this new house is made of windows, practically. Sure, I was already in the basement but… there is really no place to hide away from windows. Let’s get real. If a tornado was to come attack me, I would make like Dorothy and end up in Oz. I turned the news on and watched a whole lot of meteorology-related graphics on the screen with little thought to what it really meant. I laughed it off because while they were spouting off all this info about how important it is to TAKE COVER and STAY INSIDE AWAY FROM WINDOWS, all that was outside my windows and doors was light rain and a little wind.

But then it got really dark. And all of a sudden it started downpouring. I couldn’t even see the lake. It was scary!! But then it passed. And I went on with my day.

Here’s the thing though. It remained really windy all day and it made me wonder something.

Where does wind come from?

I think that this question may make you wonder if my brain is actually fully functioning but I am  for realzzzzz.

Oh, also, I don’t know if this is related but for some reason it is related in my brain. I saw that creeps Ashton Kutcher movie The Butterfly Effect and I don’t really remember what that movie is about. I feel like it mentioned something about a butterfly flapping its wings and then it changes something on the other side of the Earth or some shit.  That is outrageous and totally creeps me out. Is that for real?! Is that where wind comes from? Does wind exist without trees? What about in the Sahara or whatever. That place gets wind, right?! WHERE DOES WIND COME FROM?!

Gosh, sometimes I wonder weird things.

I’m sure you’re really glad you wasted the five minutes it took to read this. It’s good to know my internal monologue is such an unproductive use of time.  Kind of like facebook.

Last week, I went with my mother to a furniture store.

We went to look for a maroon love seat for the study.

This new house is really becoming exciting. When all of this mess began, I was pretty psyched for her because it was kind of fun talking about all the fun things we would maybe have in this new family home. But then there were a lot of repetitive questions and I lost interest. And then I started to feel bitter because this was replacing our home. This brand spankin’ new house was going to make us have to get rid of the house I grew up in. And that made me sad. So I ignored all the new-house stuff. I became really irritated when conversations turned to all the “fun stuff happening with the house” because I really didn’t like this new-house stuff.

But the house is almost done. It has to be done by September 24 for the parade of homes. It’s gorgeous.  And now it’s super exciting for everyone.

So with everything coming together, we needed to find a maroon love seat for the study.  And we were going to just look at bedroom furniture for the room intended for Drew.

I was really, really helpful. Like when Mom asked me to go re-measure something because we forgot the dimensions, I went to the part of the store that had the dresser Mom was looking at for Drew’s blue room.  But then I saw this:

THAT BEAR IS WEARING A BASKET LIKE A BACKPACK. OF COURSE I WAS GOING TO WANT TO OWN THIS PIECE OF ART.

Hello! I LOVE BEARS! (And dinosaurs. But there were no backpack-wearing dinosaurs. Sad.)

So THEN I found THIS:

What a precious little bear face! I immediately wished that “my room” hadn’t been painted a perfect yellow color and that all my furniture and bedding wasn’t already decided upon. I wished I could change the design concept of “my room” to BEAR LAND.

And then I found THIS and knew that we had definitely made the wrong choice with the yellow.

DANCING, HAND-HOLDING BEARS. I was IN LOVE. How can you NOT love that?!!? It’s hilarious and precious! What an excellent conversation piece!! THIS IS ART!!!

I obviously was taking way longer than she had anticipated, so after a while, Mom came looking for me. I had been running around like a ninny, looking for all things bear-shaped/themed.

I found this gem when Mom found me:

It reminded me of the time I murdered one of God’s creatures. And Mom wondered what the fuck I was doing.

I told her I had a brand new design concept for any room of the house. I told her bears would look glorious in any room, or that we could spread them out throughout the house.  I told her that they would be great conversation starters and that if no one else would appreciate them, I would appreciate the bears enough for everyone on earth. Because I loved them.

But then she scolded me, reminded me I’m an adult and t0ok my phone away.  I followed behind her, dejected, as we made our way to the place where she paid for her maroon love seat and Drew’s bedroom furniture.

Looks like I did a lot more looking than she did. And the bears remain at the store.

I have the best Christmas Present ideas….!

My jury duty service is now over! The trial finished yesterday afternoon, and I’ve been just bursting to tell you what happened!

Here’s the deal, loves: I’ll share my jury duty experience in three parts, starting with my first-day-observations. You know, the words-to-go documents saved on my Crackberry I told you about last week.  I’ll tell you the specifics of the case and then I’ll tell you about our verdict and how deliberations went.

I know you’re all dying to know.

My very first day, just to give you a snapshot of what a mess I was, I texted a friend then decided to tweet the following:

Already got lost, almost cried, forgot to put deodorant on, got wanded by security,& left all my school stuff at home. Today is going so well.

It should be noted that I have, like, zero sense of direction, so I obviously got lost (despite my mapquest directions) on my way to the courthouse. Then, because I was lost and because I’m so anal about not being late for anything ever, I got hysterical. This led to high levels of stress and anxiety, and that led to some degree of perspiration, not that the humidity here in Michigan did anything to help that. And that was when I realized I definitely forgot to put deodorant on. The Horror!! I just kept thinking, I had it in my hand, but did I actually put it on?! and I totally didn’t, which makes me wonder what on earth made me so ADD that morning to forget something so essential?!

I had my final night of my accounting class that evening I realized I didn’t have any of my school stuff after I had already left and didn’t have enough time to turn around and go back.  I wasn’t sure if I would have time in between my jury duty stuff and when I needed to leave to drive the hour and fifteen minutes it takes to get to class from my hometown. MORE PANIC! Why, oh WHY, did I not wear deodorant?! How is it possible to apply my Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue perfume but forget the deodorant?!??! HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?!

Once I got past security and followed other people I assumed to be reporting for jury duty down a hallway, I found the jury assembly room. Nothing special. Just a big room with beige walls and lots of chairs. And plenty of opportunity to people-watch and judge ’til my heart was content!  That’s when it struck me to record my thoughts via words-to-go.

Sometimes I have really good ideas.

Title: Jury duty observations

There are several unattractive people here. Many of the people  here in this holding pen have sick coughs. Gloria, in all her monochromatic glory, scanned all of us in. (She’s in charge of wrangling all of us potential-jurors.) She’s fabulous: I love her hair, and her plum colored tank-skirt combo is simply stunning.   She just put in a “movie” for us to watch while we wait in “line” to be scanned in. (This is one of the worst “lines” I’ve ever seen, although it certainly can’t beat the “line” we waited in to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince at midnight. That was Terrible, with a capital T.) Some people showed up who did not have to be here. Sucks for them.  I really love the movie 12 Angry Men.  This video being played, as far as I can tell, is a compilation of Hollywood blockbusters that have something, anything!, to do with court, lawyers and the legal system,  and/or the importance of having a jury. I’m in love. Damn, I need to go to law school.

Title: Jury duty observations, part 2

Well, I feel jipped so far; my father indicated that a real-life judge would come in and speak to us about how important juries are and other crap like that. I have not seen any real-life person other than Gloria, who I am certainly not complaining about. I just want more real-life and less late-90s video footage.  This video feels like the craptastic videos I watched in driver’s training or sex ed.  I whisper-laughed to myself a moment ago about this move and looked to see if anyone else was laughing too; no one even looked remotely amused. AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO IS EXCITED TO BE HERE?!?!

Title: Jury duty observations, part 3

Shit, I really, really hope I get picked! I hope I get picked and it’s a sweet case. I hope it’s just like 12 Angry Men and I’m the lone voice of reason. I hope me and my fellow jurors get sequestered and we all become bffs. I hope I end up on The Today Show after the ruling has been made.

Title: Jury duty observations, part 4

I’m bored. Looked through purse for gum. Found some.  Examined split ends. I need a haircut.  Compared the amount of back-fat everyone in front of me has. I should get plastic surgery- I’m much too lazy to do any of that necessary work to get rid of it.  Girl in front of me has a peculiar haircut; I don’t understand it. I can’t tell if I like it. It’s long- reaches mid back- but there are very short layers and not much blending of said layers.  It’s odd to me.  People are starting to get antsy like me.  Gloria’s laugh is funny; I like it.  I wish I wouldn’t have forgotten my backpack at home- actually, more than anything, I wish I wouldn’t have forgotten to apply deodorant today. I’m paranoid I reek.

Title: Part 5

OMG! The judge is ready! In ten minutes (or so, says Gloria), we will head into the court room!  A real-life court room! Gloria explained that we need a “juror badge,” which is really just a sticker- and she even gave instructions!  “Just peel it off, and stick it on!!!” Gosh, I love her!! GLORIA IS AWESOME! AND HILARIOUS! She is making all kinds of jokes and worrrrrrkin’ this room! She’s talking about the “employer verification forms” and how you can take that form back to your employer… or spouse. “It happens!” Bahaha jeeeeez, she is SO great.  She just made a joke about menopause. I love herrrr!

That’s it. That’s all that’s saved on my phone.

Because after that I had to turn my phone off because it wasn’t allowed in the court room.

Part II will be here on Thursday 🙂

I was summoned for jury duty.

I had started a “words to go” document on my blackberry this morning, while I was waiting in the jury assembly room. It had my observations, thoughts, and feelings about my experience. I was going to share it with you. It was going to make for an excellent blog post for today.

But I got selected to sit on a jury in a trial. So I can’t talk about it. And just to be safe, I don’t want to share any of those thoughts yet.

If only I could tell you...!

I was very, very excited about being called in for jury duty and am still as psyched as can be to actually have been selected. I just feel so strongly about this civic duty and how important a fair trial is. I believe in the courts system.

I will be absolutely suuuuuure to tell you guys all about it after it’s done, but for now, I have to “zip my lip like a padlock” (to borrow from Ke$ha) and not talk about any of it. (You can, however, “meet me in the back with the jack and the jukebox.”)

I truly do apologize for this post to be so boring, but just know that I really did want to talk to you about this huge event for me. I was seriously so excited I could pee.

But now I must make sure I’m ready for my last day of accounting class. YAY!!!

Have you ever been summoned for jury duty? What was your experience like? Were you excited?! Were you selected?! TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT!!!

Well, I can tell you that 23 doesn’t really feel any different than 22.

I can also tell you that last night, out on the town, celebrating my 23rd year on earth with some of my best gals, I had the best time. It was a top night.

Thankfully, none of us had the sense to bring a camera to document the shitshow that was my birthday celebration. I did manage to snap a couple pics on my crackberry, which I will of course share with you here.  I can’t post all of them because some are embarrassing, so those will just stay on my phone for my own viewing pleasure, for moments when I need a good laugh. Or to remind my old ass that I was once, indeed, young, pretty, and fun.

that measuring cup doubled as a shot glass

At dinner, I ordered a Shirley Temple. I turned 23, I’m at a nice dinner with my mother for my birthday and I ordered a Shirley fucking Temple. Who am I?! And while I was sipping my mocktail of sprite and grenadine, I had a thought: cherry vodka and sprite! So I went and got burnetts cherry vodka, like I’m in high school and will drink anything with alcohol in it ’cause you take what you can get when you’re underage. Except not me, when I was underage I almost exclusively drank Bacardi. But that is neither here nor there.

I sent the following text to my friend: “So, I bought cherry burnetts for tonight… I’m pretty much gonna die”

It was pretty much right on point.

the only appropriate photo of the entire evening

I had a birthday crown. It was made for a four year old, I’m sure, but I wore it all night long. The “jewel” on the top of the crown had a button on it that made it light up and blink different colors. I was very excited by this for the simple fact that I could use it as a beacon to locate my girls when we inevitably got separated. Needless to say, that idea didn’t really work out, but in theory it was genius.

The best part of last night was that we haven’t had a night like that with a bunch of us girls together in a while. And we also haven’t scattered like that in a hot minute. There were six of us and there was a time when none of us knew where any of the others were. It was awesome. I decided to wander away from the group (okay, so that’s pretty normal) and go somewhere else with someone else, and as I was leaving I ran into Meg and Kirsten. We went to another bar and didn’t have any idea where the other three went. We only found out later that Le and Mil went home, and Sen had left to go to another bar with other people.

I woke up this morning still drunk and thanked my lucky stars that I was alive! Then I ate a piece of birthday cake and found religion, it was that good.

It was a top night.

I hope 23 is a good year!

I have been thinking and thinking all day long about what I was gonna write about today. I just couldn’t think of anything. And now, I have too much material. I have too many thoughts that don’t go together at all. One, I am sure, is an over-share. One is a confession. And one is just totally random, like that time I announced at work, unprovoked, that I wished my cat would just die (and Casey got really upset).

I guess what it comes down to is that this is my blog, and I can do whatever I want here. So I’ll just over-share as much as I want. You shut your mouth; you like it, and you know it.

One: The Over-Share

Yesterday, I had been hanging out in the sweat-lodge that is my room here at Grandma’s. Except, lately, it hasn’t been too much of a sweat-lodge. The two fans I have going and standing over the vent in my room seems to be working out for me this week. Win. Anyway, I was doing something (I can’t even remember what it was anymore. HOW OLD AM I?!) and just minding my own business. Kickin’ it with me, myself, and I.

Then I decided, ohhh em gee I’m totally brillz!

Two words, my friends: bubble bath.

Never mind the fact that I don’t even knowwww the last time I took a bath. Never mind the fact that it was 58,492 degrees where my room and bathroom is. Never mind the fact that baths make me feel like I’m dying.

I was like, Self, we are sooooo doing this.

I gathered up a book, my computer for some tunes (couldn’t find my headphones), and my phone. Just in case. (bahaha).

If I was going to be “relaxing” I thought I’d set the mood, like they do in movies. I dimmed the lights in the bathroom and set my computer on the counter, far away from water with the soundtrack to The Holiday playing on my iTunes. If I woulda had candles, girrrrl, you know they woulda been lit. I went ALL out.

There I was, chillin’ in the bathtub with my vampire book and my computer started making noises. Skype noises. What. The. Fuck. Inappropriate!  My mother was calling. OF COURSE I DIDN’T ANSWER. Hello! I was in the BATHTUB.

So I reeeeeeached, awkwardly, to get my phone (careful not to drop it in the tub! That would have been dumb.) and called that bitch up on the phone. But then we got to talking and I was no longer relaxing and then I didn’t want to be talking to her while I was naked so I made us hang up.

Two: The Confession

Before tonight, I had never eaten KFC or watched a show called The Ladies of Demolition Derby.

Now I can finally cross those things off my bucket list!

Three: The Random Fact

I went looking on the interwebz for a prompt to write on my blog because I seemingly lacked the ability to open the cabinets full of thoughts in my brain. So, the prompt I was going to use was “What book could you read over and over again?” from Plinky. I had a good answer, too. I didn’t even have to think about it. I just knew immediately what book that would be.

I’ll tell you right now. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.

What I can tell you about this book is that it’s truly amazing. I have read it a number of times and I get something new from it every single time. It makes me cry and it hurts my heart and it makes the reader feel. It’s just… amazing.

Here are a few gems from the book:

so this is my life. and i want you to know that i am both happy and sad and i’m still trying to figure out how that could be.
*the perks of being a wallflower

when the police came, they found my brother asleep on the roof. nobody knows how he got there.
*the perks of being a wallflower

i really think that everyone should have watercolors, magnetic poetry, and a harmonica.
*the perks of being a wallflower

maybe these are my glory days, and i’m not even realizing it because they don’t involve a ball.
*the perks of being a wallflower

sam and patrick looked at me. and i looked at them. and i think they knew. not anything specific really. they just knew. and i think that’s all you can ever ask from a friend.
*the perks of being a wallflower

i am very interested and fascinated by how everyone loves each other, but no one really likes each other.
*the perks of being a wallflower

Read it. You’ll love it. I just know it!

xoxo

SO. GOOD.

Remember last time I was here and gave you a half-assed blog post because I was hungover?

If you said yes, then you can suck it because despite being hungover, I shared a precious father/daughter moment with you. And you’re an ungrateful little shit.

Okay, let’s be friends again. I really wanna tell you a story.

It’s pretty clear by now that I was a hot damn mess last Saturday night. My antics are still being described to me by those who were present (or received drunk-texts… I was particularly pleased with the ones I sent to my boss. OOOOOPS!). There were some events that I had forgotten took place. That’s the best, by the way, when your friends let you know about all the dumb shit you did and said DAYS later. (Thanks, guys.)

The point is that because of what a shit-show I was on Saturday, I reached a new level of lazy on Sunday, which, after all, is the day of rest. So go ahead and hate that I did NOTHING but sleep and watch Dawson’s Creek all day long. Just know that Jesus says it’s okay.

I mentioned it on twitter but I totally got a new phone on Sunday. I got myself a Blackberry. WHICH, by the way, they call it a Crackberry for a reason. I’m obsessed. I’m in love. It’s glorious.

Dino is superior to the stupid LG Shine.

I had to get a new phone because my old one just like… stopped working. It kept turning itself off and then told me to insert my sim card and I didn’t get why because my sim card was totally already inserted. Like, all Saturday night while I was trying to drunk-text the shit out of my contacts list, it kept being like “Katie, you’re a drunk bitch and you don’t even deserve me.”  But, we made it through the night alive, so that’s all that matters. Sunday, though, apparently all bets were off because it just decided to really stick it to me and really stop working.

So, to the AT&T store I went, in all my hungover glory and told that little bitch of a phone, “fuck you, I’m getting a smartphone, you idiotpieceofshit.” Just like that.

Luckily for Jon, the poor soul who had to deal with me, I had just showered… kinda recently. And by that I mean an hour before I went. But I didn’t brush my hair or even put make up on (duh). I had gotten up from the couch long enough for me to shower, put some underwear on underneath my sweatpants and brush my teeth before I started another episode of Dawson’s Creek and my brother Skype’d me.

As I walked into the mall from the parking lot, a group of four or five attractive African American gentlemen were walking out right towards me. One of those guys decided to fuck with me. He looked me up and down and was like, “how you doin’, pretty girl?” and I actually laughed at him.  Irony. Bahaha I mean, I did nottttt look “pretty” so he was clearly just rubbing it in. Rude.

Anyway, I got into the AT&T store and decided I should probably remove my sunglasses. And OF COURSE the hottest guy working had to be the one to have to help me. Jeez, this hangover was just fucking me left and right.

Long story short, turns out I was due for an upgrade so I had the best pricing available to me. And when I went to look at phones and figure out which phone I wanted, my hands were shaking so bad I finally told Jon I wasn’t actually a meth-addict or some other drug addicted degenerate despite the looks of me. I told him, “I’m sorry, I’m fine, I’m just really, really hungover.”

Right after that, our conversation flourished and I definitely felt a connection. We had similar attitudes towards drinking and terrorizing East Lansing. It was nice.  We also had a brief conversation about how I repel technology. It was nice as well.

Even during all of this embarrassment, I had resigned myself to the fact that this is just kinda how my life goes. And then I didn’t feel embarrassed. I stood at the counter, watching the Shake Weight commercial on the TV on the wall while he did all the crap he needed to do on the computer and transferring all my contacts and shiz to my new phone. We conversed about how awkward and hilarious that commercial is and I decided that my little hungover adventure into public looking like a huge mess was a success.

I feel pretty good about it.