Tryin’ to get my Usher on but I can’t let it burn

There are just some songs that stick with you sometimes, you know? The ones that replay in your head over and over again. The ones that you can listen to endlessly and never get sick of.

Dude. I totally have one of those right now.

This love affair has lasted longer than I can even remember. I don’t know the first time I heard the song but I’m fairly certain that I was like oh em gee, more please! the first time I heard it.

I saw the video for it and decided I would still love the song despite the fact that the video elicits the following reaction: uhm, what the fuck?

Any guesses?

Whatever, I’ll tell you. Just a Dream by Nelly.

What I love about it is that new Nelly sounds like old Nelly, which I think is great.  If only Christina Aguilera would go back to the days of What a Girl Wants or the entire Stripped album. Ugh.

Anyway, the best part about Just a Dream is this cover I found by these youtubers I am slightly obsessed with. Kurt Schneider and Sam Tsui do covers and make videos of all kinds of stuff and every single one is good. Even though Sam reminds me of a Disney Prince of some sort. He smiles all the damn time! Love love love!!

I especially love when Christina sings. Her voice is so so so so good. Oh, and the Usher part about not being able to let it burn, obviously. And the part where you have to put your hands up if you’ve ever loved somebody. I do it even though I haven’t been in love. Not for real.

And that time I did tell someone I loved him, I totally lied. Because, hello, it’s rude to not say it when someone expects you to say it. And apparently I’m a people-pleaser?! Dick move, self. Whatever.

It’s just that love is pretty much just fucked. And, while it’s a precious concept and I do wish that two people really could be together forever and stuff, let’s get real, it just doesn’t really exist.

Except for in the case of Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. Love exists for them.

Ugh. I suppose I can save my bitter cynicism for another day.

Hope your President’s Day-weekend is/was excellent. I have tomorrow off from work for the holiday. Win. I plan on sleeping in. In my own bed.

When there’s no one else, look inside yourself, like your oldest friend, just trust the voice within. Then you’ll find the strength that will guide your way. You’ll learn to begin to trust the voice within.

Sometimes, when I’m on the phone and I hear a recorded message or the automated lady go through her whole script, I can’t help but wish I was the voice for those things.

I also really enjoy voice-overs. I especially enjoy the voice-overs where I can identify the actor doing the voice-over. For example, I just saw a commercial for sims3 and Jeremy Piven is totally the voice behind that commercial. Or how John Corbett (Aidan from Sex and the City) does the voice-over for Applebees.  Or how I swear I hear Tim Allen’s voice EVERYWHERE.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not mad about it. At all. Seriously. I love Tim Allen.

But for realz, he is the voice of everything. He’s everywhere. The Pure Michigan commercials (on the radio) and he does some car commercial voice over. I swear he does other stuff but every time I try to point it out to people, they’re just like ohhh, I guess I didn’t notice, or oh, I don’t really know his voice very well.

I wish people would just agree with me and be like, Wow, Kate, you’re right. That was Tim Allen. You really have an ear for Tim Allen’s voice. What a weird and awesome talent you have there!

I enjoy Tim Allen’s voice. It’s soothing. And comforting. And it’s just a good voice to listen to. So like I said before, I’m not complaining that I hear his voice everywhere. I like it. More voice-overs from Tim Allen, I say. In fact, he should do audiobooks. Shit, I would read/listen to any book he was reading to me. I’d pretend he was tucking me in for a bedtime story. Except, now that I think about that I’m a little creeped out. I’m in my 20s. He’s my dad’s age. I don’t need to be tucked into bed anymore by anyone. Nor does someone need to read me a bedtime story (except when it’s Alecia, and it’s not so much bedtime-story-reading as it is we’re-on-a-three-day-road-trip-and-need-something-to-pass-the-time-in-the-car-’cause-she-can’t-stand-me-singing-showtunes-anymore.)

I just wonder if it’s his goal to take over all voice-over jobs out there. Then he could be like BAM! I really AM everywhere. Win. And he should consider it a win, because that means he would have beat out everyone else for that job. Even John Corbett, who has a great voice too. It’s friendly and nice to listen to.

But when I hear his voice, I think of this:

I always just think of a really, really happy dog. Just runnin' and playin', livin' the dream!

I mean, I really like dogs, so don’t get me wrong. I’m totally a dog person (in case you weren’t sure. Or the hatred I have towards my own cat hasn’t been made clear by this point. Cat people are weird. HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE/WANT A DOG?! THEY’RE PRECIOUS! Cats are mean and judgy. Rude.) It’s not a bad thing that that’s what I think of when I hear his voice. I just feel like it’s kind of a random thing to picture. Whatevs. Picturing a cute little puppy running through the grass happy as a clam is probably better than what I think of (only sometimes, and it usually never happens) when I hear Tim Allen’s voice:

I love everything about his mugshot! lolz

I mean, really, it’s pretty great.

And to think he’s Santa Claus.

Speaking of Santa Claus, maybe I’ll watch those movies now!

I can’t say that I’m not lost and at fault.

Some people do their best thinking in the shower. When I’m in the shower my mind is usually blank, or singing Christina Aguilera songs at the top of my lungs like I’m the winner of American Idol. And in between songs, I could be thinking really excellent thoughts, like MmmMMM! Shampoo smells yummy OMG I need a band-aid why is shaving my legs so hard!? DAMN IT!

When do I do my my best thinking? When I’m driving.

One minute I’ll be blasting *NSYNC and singing along obnoxiously (Laaaance, Joey, Justin, JC, Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!!!)* and the next I’ll have an idea pop in my head that makes me wonder something.

This very thing happened the other day. Only it wasn’t *NSYNC, it was John Mayer featuring Taylor Swift (OMG love love love!). And it wasn’t so much of a great idea as it was that I realized yet another thing in this world I just don’t understand.

Item # 58,492: The Compass

I don’t get how they work. The only way I know what direction I’m going is by the little green letter on my rear-view mirror. And even that means nothing to me. I forget it’s there because I never, ever use it. N, S, E, and W mean nothing to me. Nor does NE, NW, SE, SW, or any other combination of those letters that is actually possible that I may be forgetting. (I don’t think you can have EW or WE or NS or SN?? Baha!)

One time or another, when I was asked by a boy which direction he needed to be driving, I used my hand to point. It wasn’t really the answer he was looking for.  Communication fail. He was asking a NSEW type of question while I was answering in a(n) (almost) Left or Right type of way. But I was mostly thinking “that way” or “this way” or “over there.”  So, yeah, obviously, it went well.

Exasperation ensued. I explained that NSEW meant nothing to me and it really shouldn’t exist anymore since L and R tend to suffice. He explained that it has something to do with how our brains are wired (men and women, that is. Not he and I, specifically.) Apparently, men are wired to understand NSEW while women …. aren’t?

Perhaps it goes back to evolution and how men left the nest to hunt?

That makes me wonder, though, about those tribes or areas where women are the “breadwinners” and the huntresses for their villages. In those places, women are the ones that go on a quest for food while the men sit home and do jack shit except get fat and talk shit about how the women are never there to take care of them. Even now, women do the grocery shopping. That’s today’s “hunting and gathering” and you don’t need NSEW at the grocery store!

Penguins = Love

AND PENGUINS!  THE LADY PENGUINS LEAVE THEIR LITTLE FRAGILE BABY EGG WITH THE MAN PENGUINS TO GO FIND FOOD WAY THE FUCK OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE IN ANTARCTICA AND THAT PLACE IS FUCKING FREEZING. THEY JUST GO TO FIND THE FOOD AND THE MEN SIT THERE ALL HUDDLED UP TO KEEP WARM WITH THE UNHATCHED BABY PENGUINS AND SING ABOUT THE SAFE RETURN OF THEIR LADY PENGUINS.

(This is clearly very professionally researched.)

My point is, in these cultures (yes, penguins included), do those women understand NSEW or do they go by landmarks? Because that’s what I do. Give me a landmark and I will direct the shit out of it.

Maybe in those cultures, the lady penguins are like, “Oh, giiiiiiirl, I REMEMBER that glacier! It’s this way! We’ll be home and ready to vomit into our freshly hatched baby’s mouth in, like, twenty minutes! Let’s get waddling!”

Maybe I don’t feel bad about not understanding compasses. It’s not like I’m outdoorsy and enjoy going places where there isn’t a starbucks and a sushi place within ten minutes of wherever I am. I probably won’t ever require the use of a compass. It’s not like I’m a pirate. I don’t even like boats! I have terrible motion sickness. No open seas for me.

I’m sure this lack of understanding of direction has nothing to do with the fact I get lost all the fucking time.

*Oh, I’m sure you were wondering why I made a little note for this footnote about *NSYNC. Here’s the deal: if you do not understand why I typed out the guys in *NSYNC’s names like that, click the link. Watch that video. And around 2:10, you will know why I did that. Whenever I listen to that song, I sing their names in that order at that part because it’s fun.  Also, at 1:25, Chris looks like a chimp.

That is all.