When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head, you feel the world shake from the words that are said, and I’m callin’ all angels…

Last week I received a text that actually made me stop what I was doing and then run downstairs and ask Drew what the fuck it meant.

I was just about to leave for work and my phone buzzed. I assumed it was one of the girls at work texting me to ask me to pick some kind of food or beverage on my way into work. But ohhh, no. When I looked at my phone, I read the text and felt my breath catch.

Your dad is doing chemo this morning so shoot him a text if you get a chance.

Obviously, this is alarming.

1.)    Why the fuck didn’t I know Dad had cancer???

2.)    Which one of my loved ones’ phone numbers do I not already have stored in my phone?

3.)    WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T I KNOW DAD HAD CANCER?!

So, I read it over a couple times.

The text came from a phone number that wasn’t in my phonebook, nor was it one I recognized.

This fact was the only thing that kept me from flying into a full-blown meltdown. I mean, seriously,this felt way worse than the tailspin I flew into when I read on facebook that my stepbrother broke his spine. (True story! My family is soooo good at communicating bad news! Oh, and Brandon is fine- albeit he’ll be in pain and have back issues for the rest of his life- despite breaking his back, just in case you were worried.)

So, yeah, I was kinda freaking out.

I bolted down stairs and made Drew read it. I think he was only half dressed after just getting out of the shower. Although, now that I think about it, the closed door to the bathroom wouldn’t have stopped me in the least. Upon sharing this news with him, I made Drew text Dad while I tried to think of who would send me something like that.

I went through a mental checklist of people:  It couldn’t be my step-mom, I already have her number. And Brandon & Andrew- they’re both in my phone too. And for my Dad’s brothers and sisters, well, they would all have a different area code. So then my thoughts went to family friends- there was one that Drew and I agreed upon. The only thing about that was that particular family friend was stored in Drew’s phone, and the number didn’t match the one from the text message.

Finally, I texted Dad myself (as I was driving to work, trying not to freak the fuck out).

I didn’t know I was sick.

Wow, thanks for clearing that up, Dad!

Then he told me that I would know if he was in the hospital.

Good to know!

I’m glad he tried to make light of the situation. I seriously don’t know what I would have done if I would have gotten anything other than what I did receive. I mean, go ahead and call me an alarmist, but dude- that is NOT the way to find out your dad has cancer.

Besides, I should have known better. The rational part of me did know, all along, that Dad was totally fine and that this was simply a wrong number. But there’s always that tiny voice in my head that whispers all the horrible things you never even want to think about. And it never hurts to just make sure.

I never did find out whose dad was doing chemo that morning, nor did I find out from whom the text came.

For just a moment, in my head, I sent up a silent prayer for the family who was going through that, and I hoped that whoever that dad belongs to comes out of that fight on top.

Tale as old as time, true as it can be, barely even friends, then somebody bends, unexpectedly…

I watched Beauty & the Beast this week.

Here’s the thing about when I watch movies: I think of questions you’re not supposed to think about. I just do. I can’t help it. It’s just how my brain works.

Hey, just real quick, who in the castle made clothes big enough to fit the Beast?

…

………

…………………..

…………………………. Really?

Yes, really! Those household items are not dexterous enough to alter his original clothes nor could they sew something new!

Shit, Katie, I don’t know. Maybe one of them was turned into a sewing kit.

Oh. Yeah. Probably. Good point. Okay, bye!

Yeah, I called Drew just to ask that.

I’d really like to say that that was the end of it.

But then this happened:

Thought of another one: who is MR. Potts???

He died tragically. Why do you think she has to work in the first place?

Yes, we were, of course, speaking about Mrs. Potts, the lovely older woman who was turned into a teapot when the castle was enchanted.

Oh good. That’s what I thought too. So she and crazy old Maurice got together??

I don’t know, Katie.

Don’t get mad!!

I’m not. I just don’t know if he ever recovered from the death of his wife. It’s why he dove into inventing, to ignore his pain.  That is why Belle likes fantasies, to escape her tragic life of having seen her mother die and her dad not recover from it.

Aaaaaaand that’s pretty much why I have the best brother ever and you don’t.

I’ll be there for you when the rain stars to pour, I’ll be there for you like I’ve been there before, I’ll be there for you ’cause you’re there for me too…

Today was/is my baby brother’s 21st birthday.

I thought I’d do something just a little different because of that fact.

There are countless reasons I love him, but I wanted to list just a few.

(Go ahead and dry heave. It’s gonna get mushy.)

1.) I love that I can say I’ve know him his whole life. There aren’t many people I can say that about. In fact, I think there’s only one other person I can say that about and that’s because she’s a baby and was born in April. But Drewy is 21 years old now and that’s a long time to know someone.

2.) He kind of understand my crazy.

3.) We have a crazy awesome way of talking to each other. We can communicate almost entirely in movie lines/gestures. It’s almost sick. But mostly it’s awesome and hilarious.

4.) I can count on him for anything.

5.) He acts like an idiot with me. (Uhm, how many things have we broken when we act like “cub bears”?!?! Let’s never ever stop doing that!)

6.) His commitment to things that he cares about is amazing.

7.) There’s something about him that makes it so that I never actually get mad at him. I yell a lot when I’m pissed but it’s always fleeting. There was that one time we didn’t talk for a couple days ’cause I thought he behaved like a dickhole but then we talked on the phone and cried and told each other how much we love each other.

8.) He might be the best person I know.

I strangely had a hard time trying to list things. There’s just so much I love about him that it’s hard to put into words.  Having him be so far away and not just a text message away has been really odd for me. I’ve been so used to being able to ask him anything at the touch of a button. I’ve been so used to having him laugh at me or be stupid with me on a regular basis (let’s just recall for a moment that time I made him act like a dinosaur with me in our living room? What? You guys don’t know that story?! Ohhh, you’ll just have to remind me to tell you that one some day.) To have him not here, well, frankly, it sucks. I miss him like crazy.

Christmas can’t come soon enough. That’s what I say.