Tag Archive: winter


Well, I got my car washed today.

This was stupid on a few accounts:

1.)    Hi, I live in Michigan where it snows, like, every day. My car is going to get covered in snow and salt and slush and dirt and all kinds of crazy shit in less than a day. Dumb.

2.)    Some of the simplest parts of the process of the carwash confuse me

  1. I never know when to put my car in neutral
  2. I feel like an idiot when I ask when I’m supposed to put the car in neutral

3.)     The carwash scares the hell out of me.

4.)    I was by myself and the carwash scares the hell out of me.

I know I’ve talked about this before, but seriously, it’s as relevant today as it was then.

Now, in my recent history with going through the carwash, I have had someone in the car with me to distract me from my meltdown.  Actually, I can really only recall my family and Megan going through the carwash with me in recent history, and those times include my family and Megan mostly just laughing hysterically at me and doing nothing to help me chill the fuck out.

Dicks.

I’d say it’s an irrational fear, but I’m pretty sure I understand the reasoning behind this fear I have. So, I won’t say it because then it would be false.

It pretty much all goes back to how I constantly worry I’m going to die.

Oh, and confined spaces kinda freak me out.

Oh, and I really don’t like how it gets all dark and my car is moving magically by itself (WHAT’S THAT ABOUT?!!?) and the noise the washy things make and how the blow-dryers spew fire to get rid of the water.

ZOMG Creeps!

Just imagine if for some reason the magic spell broke and my car stopped moving but I couldn’t move my car because all the washing rolly things were all in my way and I couldn’t even see because the wipey things were covering all my windows and mirrors and then something went wrong that caused the blow-dryers to blow their fire too fiercely that made the fire spread and feed off the chemicals in the soap and water did nothing to stop anything and then the garage doors closed due to some type of malfunction and I died of carbon monoxide poisoning because my car was still on and I was not even aware that the doors were closed.

WHAT THEN?!

At least then all of you little dickholes who make fun of me for being scared of the carwash would feel really guilty because it turned out all my worst fears about it came true.

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I’m sitting in front of the fire on the couch in the living room, mostly watching Veronica Mars on DVD. I can’t help but notice, though, how beautiful it is outside.

My backyard is a forest. My backyard is a glassy, frozen lake. My backyard is a hill made for sledding. My backyard is laden with the tracks of animals. My backyard is covered in a blanket of fresh, white snow.

My backyard is Narnia.

Oh, my God. I wishhhhhhhh.

Mr Tumnus could even bring me presents.

Dude, if I could slip through my closet door and wind up in Narnia, I would never come back. Me and Mr. Tumnus would play gin rummy (he’d have to teach me how because I currently don’t know what that game is) and drink tea in the afternoons. Our evenings would include reading to each other and babysitting for the Beavers occasionally. Sometimes we would have potlucks and all the residents of the forest could come over for a good time. I’d learn to knit so Mr. Tumnus could have a variety of wildly colored scarves to keep his neck warm when he went out in the snow.

In my version of Narnia, there would be no White Witch. Fuck no, because that bitch ruined everything. I don’t want to escape to a world that’s worse that this one.

Oh, I also just wanted to throw this in really quick: you know how sometimes you feel like you need to sneeze, and you even get so far to making that ugly sneeze-face that happens when you’re just about to sneeze? Yeah, all that happens and then you are sitting there, stuck and waiting for your sneeze because all of a sudden, out of nowhere, your sneeze is nowhere to be found? That just happened to me. How does that happen? Where do all those almost-sneezes go? Narnia?

Happy Christmas, everyone!!

Just a real quick post because I have to get back to losing at every game I play today with my family.

I wanted to let you know that today, on this lovely sort-of white Christmas,…

1.) I took the most adorable picture of Chiefy-poo with a bow on his head but forgot the memory card at my Mom’s house (and since I’m at my dad’s house…) so I can’t share that preciousness with you.

2.) I bruised the hell out of my body (particularly my left ass cheek) from when Drew and I went sledding down the hill in our backyard with the tie-dye sleds “Santa” brought for us.

3.) I bruised the hell out of my body (particularly my left ass cheek) from when I went with Chief to go meet Drew out on the frozen lake while he ice skaing. I slipped and fell while trying to carefully navigate my way down the big ass hill in our backyard and bit it. Twice.

4.) I realized today that I wiggle my body when I’m really excited (but mostly it’s reminiscent of the wiggle dogs do when they’re really excited and wagging their tail).

5.) I also just got the pants beat off me in a game of monopoly against my stepbrothers.

All in all, it’s been a pretty great Christmas.

I hope everyone got to spend time with their loved ones and have the merriest christmas everrrrrr!

Happy Sunday, everyone!

Let’s just jump right in, shall we?

1.)    Last night my mom threw a housewarming open house party thing. It was so fun. We had a great turn-out and as far as I could tell everyone had a great time! Success!

2.)    In related news, there was obviously way too much food and I will be eating hors d’oeuvres for days.

3.)    Seneca came to said party and we had an excellent idea for after all the guests left. Seneca and I scooted down the giant hill in the backyard down to the lake. Where we wore our leggings, tank tops and flip flops in the lake.

4.)    The lake is freezing.

5.)    The bottom of the lake is sandy.

Look! It's Sen and I! lolz

6.)    We are wimps and only got in the lake as far as our knees.

7.)    Our version of a polar bear plunge was lame and we were easily defeated but I feel good about it.

8.)    I mean, really, we have all winter to build our tolerance to frigid water.

9.)    Well, there’s that, and the hope that all of my crazy girlfriends will come to the house and we will ride Tam’s kayak down the hill and onto the lake once it’s frozen. It will be awesome.

10.) So, yeah, I’ll be sure to keep you guys posted on how I go about making that dream a reality.

11.) This one is pretty much a bonus because I’d like to point out that not once did I indicate that I may or may not be hungover. Personal growth?!