Tag Archive: water


Well, I got my car washed today.

This was stupid on a few accounts:

1.)    Hi, I live in Michigan where it snows, like, every day. My car is going to get covered in snow and salt and slush and dirt and all kinds of crazy shit in less than a day. Dumb.

2.)    Some of the simplest parts of the process of the carwash confuse me

  1. I never know when to put my car in neutral
  2. I feel like an idiot when I ask when I’m supposed to put the car in neutral

3.)     The carwash scares the hell out of me.

4.)    I was by myself and the carwash scares the hell out of me.

I know I’ve talked about this before, but seriously, it’s as relevant today as it was then.

Now, in my recent history with going through the carwash, I have had someone in the car with me to distract me from my meltdown.  Actually, I can really only recall my family and Megan going through the carwash with me in recent history, and those times include my family and Megan mostly just laughing hysterically at me and doing nothing to help me chill the fuck out.

Dicks.

I’d say it’s an irrational fear, but I’m pretty sure I understand the reasoning behind this fear I have. So, I won’t say it because then it would be false.

It pretty much all goes back to how I constantly worry I’m going to die.

Oh, and confined spaces kinda freak me out.

Oh, and I really don’t like how it gets all dark and my car is moving magically by itself (WHAT’S THAT ABOUT?!!?) and the noise the washy things make and how the blow-dryers spew fire to get rid of the water.

ZOMG Creeps!

Just imagine if for some reason the magic spell broke and my car stopped moving but I couldn’t move my car because all the washing rolly things were all in my way and I couldn’t even see because the wipey things were covering all my windows and mirrors and then something went wrong that caused the blow-dryers to blow their fire too fiercely that made the fire spread and feed off the chemicals in the soap and water did nothing to stop anything and then the garage doors closed due to some type of malfunction and I died of carbon monoxide poisoning because my car was still on and I was not even aware that the doors were closed.

WHAT THEN?!

At least then all of you little dickholes who make fun of me for being scared of the carwash would feel really guilty because it turned out all my worst fears about it came true.

For Christmas, I gave Nikki a gift card to a salon/spa with the intent that we would get pedicures together. Well, as fate would have it, as a birthday activity, Nikki and I went to get pedicures yesterday afternoon. For an hour and a half, we sat in cushy, black recliners while we soaked our feet in warm water and got to have our toes painted.

I happen to be very, very ticklish, a fact I always seem to forget until someone is touching my feet.

Anyway, yes, for an hour and a half my feet were very well taken care of. And then I put my socks back on and shoved my feet into my boots and we ventured back out into the Michigan snow.

Later that night, I slipped my stocking-covered feet into some black ballet flats while me and my gal pals terrorized East Lansing once again as we tried to “re-do” new year’s eve.

My toes were perfect. Not a chip or a smudge.

When I went to put on some fuzzy socks I noticed that something is not quite right with my toes. I think it has something to do with the fact that the three toesies in the middle on my left foot also kind of hurt.

I’m sure you’re wondering why that might be.

Don’t worry, I’ll tell you.

This morning, after I woke up and told Megan that I had yet another dream where I was about to die, and after I asked her if she wanted me to give her a wet-willy, we decided we’d venture downstairs to reunite with the last leg of our Tripod. Megan left the room and headed down the stairs before me because I turned back thinking I would bring my fleece love-knot blanket and LP down with me. Then, because I realized that my hands were already full with a three-quarter of the way full plastic cup of water and my crackberry, I decided I could live without LP and good ole fleecey.  At least for the time being.

I had taken maybe two steps when I turned my head to say, “I’ll come back for you!” in a whisper to LP when all hell broke loose.

Before I knew it, I was in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the stairs with nothing but an empty cup in my hand.

I’d just like to point out that Megan’s stairway is very, very steep and it’s probably a safety hazard. I’m not just an idiot who doesn’t know how to do steps.

Megan came back from wherever she had been and then started laughing when she saw that I wasn’t actually hurt. Apparently, all she heard was a big thuddddd and a “whoa” and knew she needed to check on me.

After I picked myself up off the floor, I went to go tell Seneca that I had just bit it down the stairs but my first question was if she was even awake. The response I got? Something along the lines of “how could I not be?!”  While she didn’t hear the “whoa” punctuating my fall, she did hear me whine, “Ohhh, now I’m all wet!”

I’m pretty sure I’m not telling this right because I was laughing my ass off as the three of us regaled the hilarity it was to know that I took a tumble down the stairs.

My point is, now one of my toenails is a tiny bit chipped and there’s some degree of rug burn on my three middle toes on just my one foot.

If we could have filmed me busting my ass like that, I totally could have won some money on America’s Funniest Home Videos.

I pretty much just need my own camera crew, a few corporate sponsors and a reality show/development deal with a major TV network. I’m pretty sure I’ve got my life all mapped out.

Happy Sunday, everyone!

Let’s just jump right in, shall we?

1.)    Last night my mom threw a housewarming open house party thing. It was so fun. We had a great turn-out and as far as I could tell everyone had a great time! Success!

2.)    In related news, there was obviously way too much food and I will be eating hors d’oeuvres for days.

3.)    Seneca came to said party and we had an excellent idea for after all the guests left. Seneca and I scooted down the giant hill in the backyard down to the lake. Where we wore our leggings, tank tops and flip flops in the lake.

4.)    The lake is freezing.

5.)    The bottom of the lake is sandy.

Look! It's Sen and I! lolz

6.)    We are wimps and only got in the lake as far as our knees.

7.)    Our version of a polar bear plunge was lame and we were easily defeated but I feel good about it.

8.)    I mean, really, we have all winter to build our tolerance to frigid water.

9.)    Well, there’s that, and the hope that all of my crazy girlfriends will come to the house and we will ride Tam’s kayak down the hill and onto the lake once it’s frozen. It will be awesome.

10.) So, yeah, I’ll be sure to keep you guys posted on how I go about making that dream a reality.

11.) This one is pretty much a bonus because I’d like to point out that not once did I indicate that I may or may not be hungover. Personal growth?!