Tag Archive: the hills


Remember last time I was here and gave you a half-assed blog post because I was hungover?

If you said yes, then you can suck it because despite being hungover, I shared a precious father/daughter moment with you. And you’re an ungrateful little shit.

Okay, let’s be friends again. I really wanna tell you a story.

It’s pretty clear by now that I was a hot damn mess last Saturday night. My antics are still being described to me by those who were present (or received drunk-texts… I was particularly pleased with the ones I sent to my boss. OOOOOPS!). There were some events that I had forgotten took place. That’s the best, by the way, when your friends let you know about all the dumb shit you did and said DAYS later. (Thanks, guys.)

The point is that because of what a shit-show I was on Saturday, I reached a new level of lazy on Sunday, which, after all, is the day of rest. So go ahead and hate that I did NOTHING but sleep and watch Dawson’s Creek all day long. Just know that Jesus says it’s okay.

I mentioned it on twitter but I totally got a new phone on Sunday. I got myself a Blackberry. WHICH, by the way, they call it a Crackberry for a reason. I’m obsessed. I’m in love. It’s glorious.

Dino is superior to the stupid LG Shine.

I had to get a new phone because my old one just like… stopped working. It kept turning itself off and then told me to insert my sim card and I didn’t get why because my sim card was totally already inserted. Like, all Saturday night while I was trying to drunk-text the shit out of my contacts list, it kept being like “Katie, you’re a drunk bitch and you don’t even deserve me.”  But, we made it through the night alive, so that’s all that matters. Sunday, though, apparently all bets were off because it just decided to really stick it to me and really stop working.

So, to the AT&T store I went, in all my hungover glory and told that little bitch of a phone, “fuck you, I’m getting a smartphone, you idiotpieceofshit.” Just like that.

Luckily for Jon, the poor soul who had to deal with me, I had just showered… kinda recently. And by that I mean an hour before I went. But I didn’t brush my hair or even put make up on (duh). I had gotten up from the couch long enough for me to shower, put some underwear on underneath my sweatpants and brush my teeth before I started another episode of Dawson’s Creek and my brother Skype’d me.

As I walked into the mall from the parking lot, a group of four or five attractive African American gentlemen were walking out right towards me. One of those guys decided to fuck with me. He looked me up and down and was like, “how you doin’, pretty girl?” and I actually laughed at him.  Irony. Bahaha I mean, I did nottttt look “pretty” so he was clearly just rubbing it in. Rude.

Anyway, I got into the AT&T store and decided I should probably remove my sunglasses. And OF COURSE the hottest guy working had to be the one to have to help me. Jeez, this hangover was just fucking me left and right.

Long story short, turns out I was due for an upgrade so I had the best pricing available to me. And when I went to look at phones and figure out which phone I wanted, my hands were shaking so bad I finally told Jon I wasn’t actually a meth-addict or some other drug addicted degenerate despite the looks of me. I told him, “I’m sorry, I’m fine, I’m just really, really hungover.”

Right after that, our conversation flourished and I definitely felt a connection. We had similar attitudes towards drinking and terrorizing East Lansing. It was nice.  We also had a brief conversation about how I repel technology. It was nice as well.

Even during all of this embarrassment, I had resigned myself to the fact that this is just kinda how my life goes. And then I didn’t feel embarrassed. I stood at the counter, watching the Shake Weight commercial on the TV on the wall while he did all the crap he needed to do on the computer and transferring all my contacts and shiz to my new phone. We conversed about how awkward and hilarious that commercial is and I decided that my little hungover adventure into public looking like a huge mess was a success.

I feel pretty good about it.

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OMG hi. How ARE you?! It’s been, what….? TWO DAYS?! I’ve missed you SO much.

Mmmkay, now that that’s over, uhm, here’s just a few random things swirlin’ around in my noggin.

1.) The library wants me soooo bad. I’ve been getting emails from the library like cray cray, so I just know how bad it wants me. It’s always like, Hey you should stop by today after work…. or it’s like, hey girl, maybe you could swing by today, just for a minute. And I’m always like, Damn, I have stuff to do. But,like, yeah, I guess I could…, I’ll stop by later.

I finally stopped by after I got my oil changed today (omg ew) and I had a shit-ton of shit waiting for me.  First, I had to drop off Dexter, Season 3 because it was, like, totally almost overdue. And the library is a dickhead about late fees. So, Whatever. I gave in there. But in return, I got season 6 of Dawson’s Creek, season 2 of Burn Notice and three John Legend CDs. I probably know only like two John Legend songs but whatever. I’m diversifying my itunes. The library doesn’t judge.  Me and the Library? Our relationship is pretty much give and take. But mostly take, because it’s great like that.  And there’s really not much drama until I keep stuff for too long, but like I said, it’s a dickhead about late fees. I’m teaching it a lesson right now and holding my account balance at a solid $8.00. ‘Cause I’m a free bitch, baby.

2.) I had to make a cut to the list of people I follow on Twitter today. I juuuust did it. Like five minutes ago. I couldn’t take it anymore. And that sucks because I do kinda feel bad when I do that.

A few months ago, I had to un-follow Anderson Cooper. And that really cut me deep because he’s all kiiiiiiiiinds of sexy. But I just really didn’t need all of those informative, news-related tweets infiltrating my homepage filled with the brilliant thoughts of those like Kim Kardashian, Stephanie Pratt, Justin Bieber, and Chunk Handler (yes, Chelsea Handler’s dog). So, sexy-as-fuck AC got the axe.

Five minutes ago, Pauly D (yes, from Jersey Shore– and YES, I’m embarrassed to even admit this) was on the chopping block. I’m pretty sure Mike “The Situation” Whatever-his-name-is is next. Because Seriously, the retweet the shit out of people who even mention them. And that’s annoying as fuuuuuuck. Also, I really don’t want them to take over the world. So I guess I didn’t feel that bad about getting rid of him.

3.) Bad news, guys. I gotta go because I have to go work on my accounting project. So, I guess this is it until next time.

Kayloveyoubye!!!

So, for the past two days, I’ve been composing a list of reasons my life is hard. Most of these things are reasons that I came up with while watching The Hills on MTV (don’t judge me- it’s a good show! bahaha).

The list is as follows:

Reasons my life is hard

1.) There are no cute boys in my new accounting class.

Hello?! I already knew the class was going to suuuuuuuuck- it’s accounting, that’s a given. But, like, it’s cruel and unusual punishment to not even put one cute boy in there to take away some of boring-ness. Ugh. My life is hard.

2.) I’m currently taking managerial accounting.

Perhaps this should have been listed first, but clearly you see my priorities. Excuse me, I understand I’m working on getting my MBA, but, really, is accounting really necessary? I mean… come on. Money’s not, like, that important… okay, fine. You win, MBA program, you win. My life is so hard.

3.) My borrowed contacts are starting to hate me.

The left one was all kinds of blurry Wednesday morning while I was driving to work. I almost took it out and put it back in but then I remembered I was driving. And if texting and driving is no longer permissible, I’m assuming law enforcement and fellow drivers (we all know how great of a driver I am) would be upset if I was now voluntarily fucking with my vision. I decided against it but then I remembered the time I took my contacts out while driving on I-96 one morning and searched for my glasses after my contacts were already out. My cruise control was set. I lived. It’s totally fine.

4.) The lamp on my desk broke.

Like totally broke. It’s not just that light bulb burned out. I flicked the little switch and there was a pop sound and then the light bulb just, like, fell out. The top part, the part with the screw-y part, was missing. WTF does that mean?! So I looked up there and was like HOW DO I FIX THIS?! You can’t come back from that. You just can’t. I wasn’t about to stick my fingers up in there! So I unplugged it and threw the piece of crap away. Time to invest in a new “task lamp.” My life is hard.

5.) Brody Jenner keeps referring to Kristin Cavallari as his sister.

TO HER FACE. WTF?!?! I know that The Hills isn’t actually “real” but it’s real to me! You do not have “sexual relations” with your sister! That is just…. not right. And that’s just rude to say to some girl you used to date and to whom you still have some sort of attraction! Especially when you know she wants to be with you! Dick move, sir! Also, I just really want Kristin and Brody to get back together for real. I hate fake reality. And I hate Avril Lavigne. I have so many feelings. My life is so hard.

6.) When my hair is in a ponytail, it tickles the back of my neck and gives me the willies/the chills.

I need a haircut? *whine*

7.) The City is still on the air.

I don’t watch that show but it comes on right after The Hills and I am forced to see commercials for it. That Olivia girl is the biggest C yoU Nest Tuesday ever. I hate that she exists. I wish she’d go back into obscurity and stop being so terrible. *rage blackout*

8.) I woke up twenty minutes late Wednesday morning.

It totally messed up my routine and completely threw me into a panic. I hate being late and I just can’t handle when things deviate from a plan. It freaks me out. It’s hard being me.

9.) The normal road I take to GTFO this tiny part of town I live in is totally blocked off due to construction of a “beautiful new park.”

I don’t appreciate this. Okay, fine, yes, there is another road like two feet away from it that takes me exactly to the same street the one under construction takes me to, but still. I hate it. The one I’m forced to take needs to be repaved. And I drive by it every day and have to make an illegal U-turn when I remember that my road is closed. Ugh. My life is so hard.

Okay. Enough complaining for today. Thanks for listening. You’re just such a good friend.

What are some ridiculous reasons your life is hard?? Do you feel the same way about Kristin and Brody as I do? Why does Summer = Construction?!?!

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