Tag Archive: restaurant


Since I started blogging, almost a whole year ago, there as not been one day that I have missed.  Every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday, like clockwork, I have showed up and put something out there for someone, anyone, to read.

Yesterday, for the first time in almost a year, I went AWOL.

I just didn’t show up.

So, for you who were waiting with bated breath, I apologize. Similarly, if you were worried I had died or had been sucked up by my chest (please reference Dane Cook) by aliens, I’m glad to inform you I am just fine.

What happened is that I actually just got swept up in the long, holiday weekend and forgot it was Sunday.

In fact, this weekend is a whirlwind of activity.

I showed up to my dad’s house ready for a weekend of drunken debauchery with friends and family by the pool in his backyard. But what actually happened was that I arrived at the restaurant for dinner like an hour later than I had originally told everyone I would be in town. Only, after I arrived, I promptly informed my dad that I felt like I was going to throw up and then I peace’d out.  I went back to the house where I found a bathroom just in time to puke my guts out. After throwing up nothing but water and bile (and oh yeah, those two or three Advil I took on an empty stomach- I’m an idiot), I ate exactly two and a half saltine crackers and fell asleep for an hour. When I woke up, everyone was arriving back home, with the food I had ordered in hand.

After that, Seneca and I went to bed early and watched some Forensic Files.

Saturday was even more of a blur.  The day lasted for-fucking-ever.

In a nutshell, the rest of the weekend happened as follows: I probably caught cancer from this shady-as-fuck restaurant called Hibachi Sushi Buffet (it was not my choice), hit my face against the bottom of the pool,  actually won a couple rounds of flip-cup, my computer died/broke, we ate our weight in pulled pork sandwiches, Megan accidentally dumped her almost-entirely-full drink in my lap at the bar we went to, Drew and I got into a physical altercation, Megan walked out at 2am with no word to Seneca or myself, both Seneca and I ended up in tears at some point, made weird references to Hilary Duff for no reason, saw Hangover II, and when we were alerted of bad weather we played a rousing game of Life where I pretended I found out I’m barren and will never bear children(LOL), we also watched a fuck-ton of Lifetime (yeah, including William & Kate, the movie), I quoted William Shakespeare to Seneca in a normal conversation, and I fell in the lake again tonight while trying to get in the kayak.

WINS ALL AROUND.

I promise things will go back to normal.

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I have never worked in the restaurant industry. I’ve never been a waitress nor have i worked in any job that involved food. (Well, except when I babysat and made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and apple slices. Or Kraft macaroni and cheese from the blue box with the powder cheese- because it’s way better than that shitty velveta cheese and shell noodles. Or that time I fed stolen crackers to a drunk friend in the communal shower room in the dorms in college- yes, you know who you are, and I love love love you.)

Anyway, that is neither here nor there.

My point is that I do not know the interworkings of being a waitress or what it’s like working in a restaurant.  So I might be a huge dick for sharing this story and my thoughts about what happened, but just blame that on the fact I’m an ignorant bitch. Or something. On this topic, at least.

‘Twas the night we dropped Drew off at the airport and we stopped on the way to Detroit to get something to eat. We stopped at a Buffalo Wild Wings because Drew and I cannot get enough of the Asian zing sauce. We also love the honey barbecue. Yummmmm!! Anyway. We went to Buffalo Wild Wings, and it was a Game Day Saturday so there were a shit ton of football games on. Grandma was in hog heaven, although it was “way too loud” for her likes.

The place was packed and we had to wait, like, fifteen minutes to be seated, which was fine by me because I was having plenty of fun dipping into the conversations of strangers. In fact, I was having such a good time eavesdropping, I forgot all about how I had been complaining for the whole hour before that moment that I felt like I was gonna vom all over the car and all over Drew.

I listened to a family talk about boring kid stuff. I listened in on a conversation between two ladies as they ate traditional wings and cheese fries. The fries looked gross so I moved to the next table down. And that was where I stayed. I was scoping out their table in hopes that we would be seated in their booth when they left in just a few moments. The three men at the table only had about an inch of beer left in their glasses and they had stopped eating their wings. They were mostly talking about football so they weren’t very exciting to me, but when they were getting ready to leave, I was hooked.

I watched as one of the men pulled out the cash to cover the bill. Their waitress came and before she could come back, the men downed what was left in their glasses and stood to leave.  It was obviously implied that whatever change was left was the tip for the waitress.

What happened next blew my mind. I have never, in my life, witnessed or heard of something like this happening.  My jaw dropped and I immediately tapped Drew’s arm to inform him that he needed to pay attention ASAP.

Waitress (while climbing into booth to catch restaurant patrons before they left): Hey, did I do something wrong?

Man who paid the bill (surprised): Um, what? No?

Waitress (confused): I just wondered if I did something wrong?

Man (confused): No.

Me: Drew! Drew, watch!!

Waitress: I mean, I just want to know if I did something wrong. Because you guys were here for, like, a long time and I just wanted to know. If I did something wrong, you can tell me. I make $2.65 an hour, so I make a living off my tips.

Man: *flabbergasted*

Waitress: Is there a reason you only left… I mean, did I do something wrong? I make $2.65 an hour!

Man: Nah, we’re straight. *Finally walks away*

Me: WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!

Waitress: *Dejected; pissed off* Okay, have a good night. *Walks off to bitch to co-workers*

Me: Oh my gawd, Drew, did you just see that?!!? That girl just did that!?! Have you seen that before?! MOM! DID YOU SEE WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!

Mom: No! What happened?!

End Scene.

I then went on to explain what I had witnessed. She was shocked and appalled like I was. Drew didn’t seem amused so he ignored us and continued watching football.

Isn’t that outrageous!? I cannot believe she did that!? I mean, it is true that I have no idea how much he left her as a tip, and it is a dick move to tip poorly, and it didn’t seem like she was a shitty waitress, but even so! How bold of her! Even if she truly was concerned about her job performance and how she could improve, I can’t believe she did that!

Am I the only one!? Have you ever witnessed or heard of something like that happening? Does that happen often? ENLIGHTEN ME!