Tag Archive: panic attack


Well, I got my car washed today.

This was stupid on a few accounts:

1.)    Hi, I live in Michigan where it snows, like, every day. My car is going to get covered in snow and salt and slush and dirt and all kinds of crazy shit in less than a day. Dumb.

2.)    Some of the simplest parts of the process of the carwash confuse me

  1. I never know when to put my car in neutral
  2. I feel like an idiot when I ask when I’m supposed to put the car in neutral

3.)     The carwash scares the hell out of me.

4.)    I was by myself and the carwash scares the hell out of me.

I know I’ve talked about this before, but seriously, it’s as relevant today as it was then.

Now, in my recent history with going through the carwash, I have had someone in the car with me to distract me from my meltdown.  Actually, I can really only recall my family and Megan going through the carwash with me in recent history, and those times include my family and Megan mostly just laughing hysterically at me and doing nothing to help me chill the fuck out.

Dicks.

I’d say it’s an irrational fear, but I’m pretty sure I understand the reasoning behind this fear I have. So, I won’t say it because then it would be false.

It pretty much all goes back to how I constantly worry I’m going to die.

Oh, and confined spaces kinda freak me out.

Oh, and I really don’t like how it gets all dark and my car is moving magically by itself (WHAT’S THAT ABOUT?!!?) and the noise the washy things make and how the blow-dryers spew fire to get rid of the water.

ZOMG Creeps!

Just imagine if for some reason the magic spell broke and my car stopped moving but I couldn’t move my car because all the washing rolly things were all in my way and I couldn’t even see because the wipey things were covering all my windows and mirrors and then something went wrong that caused the blow-dryers to blow their fire too fiercely that made the fire spread and feed off the chemicals in the soap and water did nothing to stop anything and then the garage doors closed due to some type of malfunction and I died of carbon monoxide poisoning because my car was still on and I was not even aware that the doors were closed.

WHAT THEN?!

At least then all of you little dickholes who make fun of me for being scared of the carwash would feel really guilty because it turned out all my worst fears about it came true.

I’m a grump-monster when it comes to being woken up.

With that said, please know that I am fully aware that it’s a dick-move that I enjoy waking other people up when they are sleeping. I really enjoy scaring the hell out of my mom when she’s zonked out. I also enjoy drunk dialing my friends at 4am, knowing full well that they are fast asleep.

Once upon a time, Erica slept on the floor of the dorm room I shared with Sarah.

Erica had been sick and needed to rest. Erica’s roommate had been unsympathetic to her need to sleep in a dark, quiet place.  Her roommate was probably still bitter that we had completely trashed their dorm room one night she been gone and we had been drunk. We also apparently used her special blanket and eaten some of her crackers. Bitch held a grudge.

Nevertheless, Er took up residence on our floor and we stayed in and watched movies and went to bed early. It was lovely.

But sometime after all of us had fallen asleep, there suddenly was a lot of commotion.

I’m not sure what happened because I tried to sleep my way through it. I recall an obnoxious amount of light being turned on and I remember Sarah’s scared voice asking what to do when someone was in the need of contacting 911.

Erica was having trouble breathing. Asthma attack? Panic attack? Even now, I’m not too sure what happened.

I recall throwing LP over my face and trying to block out the light.

Even when Sarah asked me to call 911 while she tried to keep Erica from freaking the fuck out because she was like a thousand degrees and having trouble breathing, I whined and told her I didn’t know how to do it.

No one was particularly pleased with me nor were they grateful we were friends.

Next thing I know, ALL of the lights in our tiny square room were on and there were a couple (is that right??) of EMTs taking Erica’s blood pressure (or something?) and making sure she wasn’t going to die or anything.

As soon as it was over, I went back to sleep like it never happened.

I’m an asshole.