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If you haven’t seen The American President we can’t be friends.

I love it.

Maybe too much.

Drew is home this evening so we get to watch it together. Be still, my heart.

Something about watching this movie with Drew just makes it so much better.  We can basically recite this movie in its entirety and it’s more fun to do it with him than by myself.

I keep remembering how often lines from this movie pop into my head on an everyday basis.

Let me explain:

1.)    One year in school I remember that effigy was a vocab word we were tested on.  We needed to know the definition and how to use it.  Luckily, the America President was created before I took that vocab quiz.  I totally knew what effigy meant because this movie helped me understand its use.

Sydney, seldom does a day go by when I am not burned in effigy.

2.)    Every time I drive by a Volvo dealership (like I did today) or any time I see a Volvo, all I can hear is Annette Benning’s voice lobbying her butt off for the GDC as Sydney Ellen Wade.

Katie, ten years from now any cars with an internal combustion engine is gonna be considered a collector’s item.  Come on board, we’ll make your Volvo a classic.

3.)    Any time I interact with or find myself frustrated with someone who is less than coherent or someone I deem an idiot, I frequently pawn this gem off as my own when talking about this person behind his or her back (because I’m a bitch like that).

Lewis, we’ve had presidents who were beloved and couldn’t find a coherent sentence with two hands and a flashlight.  People don’t drink the sand ‘cause they’re thirsty, Lewis. They drink the sand because they don’t know the difference.

Note: I usually embellish this phrase. For example, blah blah blah can’t find *something* with a compass, a map and a flashlight.

4.)    Generally, at the start of every week, I can hear Michael Douglas’ voice telling me it’s Monday morning.  Sometimes Drew and I even text each other the line from the movie just to share in the moment and reference what I can easily say is our favorite movie. The delivery is so perfect.

Lewis: You skipped a whole paragraph!
President Shepherd: And Monday morning it is.

5.)    The best speech in this whole movie is something I actually quoted in an academic paper in college, well, part of it at least. In fact, I used it in a paper I wrote to proclaim my love of Hillary Clinton actually. I so would.

Everybody knows America isn’t easy.  America is advanced citizenship.  You gotta want it bad, ‘cause it’s gonna put up a fight.  It’s gonna say “you want free speech? Let’s see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who’s standing center stage and avocating, at the top of his lungs, that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours.  You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country can’t just be a flag; the symbol has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest.” Show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then you can stand up and sing about the land of the free.

6.)    The events in Lybia actually made me wonder if President Obama has seen this movie.  Talk about Life imitating Art.  Dude.  Just watch it and you’ll totally know what I’m talking about.  In my head, I imagine that Obama took a move out of the Andrew Shepherd playbook.

Sweet baby Jesus, this is such a great movie.

Like I said, if you haven’t seen it, we can’t be friends until you do.  And once you watch this (and love it, obviously) you need to then become obsessed with The West Wing and watch the entire series on DVD because it’s basically a giant continuation of the awesomeness that is The American President.

That is all.

Oh, no, wait. One more thing. I’m also obsessed with this.

Okay. For real this time.

That is all.

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Remember last time I was here and gave you a half-assed blog post because I was hungover?

If you said yes, then you can suck it because despite being hungover, I shared a precious father/daughter moment with you. And you’re an ungrateful little shit.

Okay, let’s be friends again. I really wanna tell you a story.

It’s pretty clear by now that I was a hot damn mess last Saturday night. My antics are still being described to me by those who were present (or received drunk-texts… I was particularly pleased with the ones I sent to my boss. OOOOOPS!). There were some events that I had forgotten took place. That’s the best, by the way, when your friends let you know about all the dumb shit you did and said DAYS later. (Thanks, guys.)

The point is that because of what a shit-show I was on Saturday, I reached a new level of lazy on Sunday, which, after all, is the day of rest. So go ahead and hate that I did NOTHING but sleep and watch Dawson’s Creek all day long. Just know that Jesus says it’s okay.

I mentioned it on twitter but I totally got a new phone on Sunday. I got myself a Blackberry. WHICH, by the way, they call it a Crackberry for a reason. I’m obsessed. I’m in love. It’s glorious.

Dino is superior to the stupid LG Shine.

I had to get a new phone because my old one just like… stopped working. It kept turning itself off and then told me to insert my sim card and I didn’t get why because my sim card was totally already inserted. Like, all Saturday night while I was trying to drunk-text the shit out of my contacts list, it kept being like “Katie, you’re a drunk bitch and you don’t even deserve me.”  But, we made it through the night alive, so that’s all that matters. Sunday, though, apparently all bets were off because it just decided to really stick it to me and really stop working.

So, to the AT&T store I went, in all my hungover glory and told that little bitch of a phone, “fuck you, I’m getting a smartphone, you idiotpieceofshit.” Just like that.

Luckily for Jon, the poor soul who had to deal with me, I had just showered… kinda recently. And by that I mean an hour before I went. But I didn’t brush my hair or even put make up on (duh). I had gotten up from the couch long enough for me to shower, put some underwear on underneath my sweatpants and brush my teeth before I started another episode of Dawson’s Creek and my brother Skype’d me.

As I walked into the mall from the parking lot, a group of four or five attractive African American gentlemen were walking out right towards me. One of those guys decided to fuck with me. He looked me up and down and was like, “how you doin’, pretty girl?” and I actually laughed at him.  Irony. Bahaha I mean, I did nottttt look “pretty” so he was clearly just rubbing it in. Rude.

Anyway, I got into the AT&T store and decided I should probably remove my sunglasses. And OF COURSE the hottest guy working had to be the one to have to help me. Jeez, this hangover was just fucking me left and right.

Long story short, turns out I was due for an upgrade so I had the best pricing available to me. And when I went to look at phones and figure out which phone I wanted, my hands were shaking so bad I finally told Jon I wasn’t actually a meth-addict or some other drug addicted degenerate despite the looks of me. I told him, “I’m sorry, I’m fine, I’m just really, really hungover.”

Right after that, our conversation flourished and I definitely felt a connection. We had similar attitudes towards drinking and terrorizing East Lansing. It was nice.  We also had a brief conversation about how I repel technology. It was nice as well.

Even during all of this embarrassment, I had resigned myself to the fact that this is just kinda how my life goes. And then I didn’t feel embarrassed. I stood at the counter, watching the Shake Weight commercial on the TV on the wall while he did all the crap he needed to do on the computer and transferring all my contacts and shiz to my new phone. We conversed about how awkward and hilarious that commercial is and I decided that my little hungover adventure into public looking like a huge mess was a success.

I feel pretty good about it.