Tag Archive: feelings


 

I don’t know how to reach you.

I don’t know how to be there for you. I don’t know what to say or how to talk to you.

I know that you’re going through something and that nothing I say or do will make it hurt less.

You’re my best friend and I love you. I love you beyond words and it hurts me that I can’t help you.

Because you’re hurting, I let the fact that you hurt my feelings go.  I didn’t tell you that it hurts me when you don’t tell me these things. I didn’t tell you that I can still hear your voice in my head, replaying that time you told me I’m not good at feelings and that I’m the last person on earth with whom anyone should talk about emotions. I didn’t tell you that hearing about what happened after the fact, after you had already spilled your heart to the other leg of the Tripod, as you do every single time you have any real emotions, I felt sad and left-out.

I don’t tell you these things because, this time, it’s not about me.

You were there for me when I needed you. When I cried countless times because my heart hurt over the complete deterioration of the friendship I had with my so-called best friend, you were there. Even when I repeated myself and when you couldn’t understand how I could be feeling the way I was, you listened. You listened, and you cared, and you showed up when I needed you.

I’m so sorry that you feel I haven’t done the same for you.

I wish you’d talk to me and stop shutting me out.  I wish things didn’t feel so weird. I don’t understand what happened or even how to make it better.

I don’t know what to say.

Sometimes people just need space. Sometimes it just takes time to sort through all of those thoughts and feelings. That’s what I thought I was doing, giving you time and space to feel sad and mend your broken heart.  But it’s been a few days now and I haven’t heard anything and we haven’t talked.  I don’t like how we left things.

I don’t know how to make this better. You know I’m no good with confrontation, not when it’s something like this.  Not when it feels like there’s something as awesome as the Tripod at stake.  Things feel fragile and I can’t see where to step to make a move.

For once, I feel like I don’t know you. I feel like I don’t know how to read you. You feel so far away. I can’t figure out what you’re thinking or try to guess how you’d respond to any of the actions I have almost made.

I just miss you is all. I want things to go back to normal, and I want you to talk to me. I want to be there for you. I want you to tell me that you’re hurting but that our friendship matters.

I don’t know how to reach you.

I was summoned for jury duty.

I had started a “words to go” document on my blackberry this morning, while I was waiting in the jury assembly room. It had my observations, thoughts, and feelings about my experience. I was going to share it with you. It was going to make for an excellent blog post for today.

But I got selected to sit on a jury in a trial. So I can’t talk about it. And just to be safe, I don’t want to share any of those thoughts yet.

If only I could tell you...!

I was very, very excited about being called in for jury duty and am still as psyched as can be to actually have been selected. I just feel so strongly about this civic duty and how important a fair trial is. I believe in the courts system.

I will be absolutely suuuuuure to tell you guys all about it after it’s done, but for now, I have to “zip my lip like a padlock” (to borrow from Ke$ha) and not talk about any of it. (You can, however, “meet me in the back with the jack and the jukebox.”)

I truly do apologize for this post to be so boring, but just know that I really did want to talk to you about this huge event for me. I was seriously so excited I could pee.

But now I must make sure I’m ready for my last day of accounting class. YAY!!!

Have you ever been summoned for jury duty? What was your experience like? Were you excited?! Were you selected?! TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT!!!

I should be required to wear some sort of sign that notifies people at movie theaters that I’m obnoxious.

Something neon and very noticeable: I’M A TALKER! I DON’T KNOW HOW TO WHISPER! I GIGGLE A LOT! I CLAP WHEN I’M HAPPY! I CAN’T SIT STILL!! I SCREAM WHEN I’M SCARED/SURPRISED! I COVER MY EARS AND SHOUT WHEN THERE’S A LOT OF VIOLENCE OR LOUD NOISES!

It should flash different phrases that apply to my behavior, just to get it all out in the open.

What is interesting is the fact that not once have I ever been told I’m being obnoxious at a movie theater. Never.

Even more interesting, I have experienced hypocrisy  at its finest. I ratted out a couple of 12-year-olds last year at The Hannah Montana Movie when Erica and I went to see it in theaters. Bahaha! I was so PO’d that they were being loud and talking the whole way through the movie that I actually got up out of my seat, went and found the customer service people and told them that two pre-teen girls were being obnoxious and ruining my Hannah Montana experience.

The girls got their parents called and I got two free tickets to any movie I wanted. Win.

I am also that person in the movie theater that constantly asks the questions, OMG WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!  WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN?!

Last night when Megan and I went and saw that New Tom Cruise Movie (I hate him), I kept asking. Megan now just responds, “I think we’ll find out later.”

Then I covered my ears and eyes and hit her leg a lot. THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS, I “whispered.”

Too bad, fellow movie-goers. You can’t make me sit with my feet on the ground- I will move if you sit right in front of me. (Or, if you’re the MSU football team sitting in front of me when I saw Pineapple Express in theaters, I will heckle you and still keep my feet on your chair because there was nowhere else to go.) You can’t make me stop fidgeting. I wiggle a lot. You can’t make me stop talking; I have a lot of thoughts. I have a lot of feelings. I just gotta share!  I cry too often and I laugh too loudly.  I like watching movies my way. It’s better than waiting until the end to get it all out.

Live in the moment! Carpe Diem! Seize the day!

We saw High School Musical 3 at midnight. I was reading Eclipse with my fleece blanket. Our gestures were totally appropriate and we were mature adults.

I sometimes think that maybe I shouldn’t allowed out in public or around children. Too bad for society. I’m still at large, ruining movies and corrupting the youth of America one inappropriate gesture and curse word at a time.