Tag Archive: fears


We here are all fairly familiar with crazy.

I know this to be true because when you stop by Adventures from Grandma’s Attic (which, incidentally, is no longer really applicable as a title… hm, I should remedy that….) you get regular doses of crazy from this girl. You get to read all about my tendency to talk to animals, how I get overly emotional on a whim at seriously random shit, the irrational fears I possess, my paranoia about death, the blunders I have had in the kitchen, and various other bouts of crazy.

This kind of crazy is totally okay with me. I even like it.  I’m quite fond of my brand of crazy.

I’ll even be fair and say that Britney Spears’ brand of crazy, while scary and unfortunate (lest we forget the shaving of the head, the attacking of that SUV with an umbrella, and the weird “friendship” with Sam Lufti), didn’t even deter me from being a fan.

I’m an equal-opportunity fan of crazy.

The brand of crazy I’m not okay with? Tom Cruise.

Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here!

Ick.

Seriously.

Gross.

Dude, something about that couch-jumping incident just turned me off. Scientology also kinda freaks me out. I don’t know too much about it, but it seems a little cult-ish. Also, who the fuck divorces Nicole Kidman?! Back in the day, when she wasn’t addicted to Botox, she was going places and she was gorgeous. You don’t just bail on that. Unless you’re an insecure prick… Just sayin’.

With all this said, you might be surprised to know that it seems that I have come down with a case of the I-Heart-Tom-Cruise-Movies-And-Can’t-Seem-To-Get-Enough’s.

It started out innocently enough.

A few weeks ago, we bought Knight & Day on Blu-Ray. It had just been released and I was planning on staying in one Saturday night (story of my life!).

That same day, we bought Jerry Maguire on Blu-Ray because we didn’t own it.

Last weekend, I watched Top Gun for the first time.

Uhm, hello, why did NO ONE tell me Goose dies?! I HAD NO IDEA!! It was the kind of devastation I faced when I saw Up Close & Personal for the first time when I found out that Robert Redford’s character died and Michelle Pfeiffer was devastated. Oh. Em. Gee. It’s just heartbreaking. If you haven’t seen it, I apologize for ruining the movie for you, but you simply must see it. You’ll love it. I know it!

Anyway, yeah. Goose. Shit, that was sad! I really thought that it was just a love story that made Take my Breath Away really popular. I didn’t know it was an epic bromance movie too! Oh, be still my beating heart, I love bromances! They’re precious.

That brings us to today: I bought A Few Good Men from Target for $5. I love $5 movies. And A Few Good Men is a great fucking movie. I watched it the second I got home today.

And now, because I ate way too much cookie dough when I made chocolate chip cookies this afternoon, and I consumed a great amount of chocolate, I just have the need to watch Jerry Maguire.

Pretty soon I’m gonna have to go buy Rain Man, because that’s a great movie too. And Risky Business because I haven’t’ seen that and now’s as good a time as any.

It would seem that I’m a Tom Cruise fan. Officially. And there’s really not a whole lot I can do about it. It just happened.

But I’d just like to reiterate: he freaks me out.

Well, I got my car washed today.

This was stupid on a few accounts:

1.)    Hi, I live in Michigan where it snows, like, every day. My car is going to get covered in snow and salt and slush and dirt and all kinds of crazy shit in less than a day. Dumb.

2.)    Some of the simplest parts of the process of the carwash confuse me

  1. I never know when to put my car in neutral
  2. I feel like an idiot when I ask when I’m supposed to put the car in neutral

3.)     The carwash scares the hell out of me.

4.)    I was by myself and the carwash scares the hell out of me.

I know I’ve talked about this before, but seriously, it’s as relevant today as it was then.

Now, in my recent history with going through the carwash, I have had someone in the car with me to distract me from my meltdown.  Actually, I can really only recall my family and Megan going through the carwash with me in recent history, and those times include my family and Megan mostly just laughing hysterically at me and doing nothing to help me chill the fuck out.

Dicks.

I’d say it’s an irrational fear, but I’m pretty sure I understand the reasoning behind this fear I have. So, I won’t say it because then it would be false.

It pretty much all goes back to how I constantly worry I’m going to die.

Oh, and confined spaces kinda freak me out.

Oh, and I really don’t like how it gets all dark and my car is moving magically by itself (WHAT’S THAT ABOUT?!!?) and the noise the washy things make and how the blow-dryers spew fire to get rid of the water.

ZOMG Creeps!

Just imagine if for some reason the magic spell broke and my car stopped moving but I couldn’t move my car because all the washing rolly things were all in my way and I couldn’t even see because the wipey things were covering all my windows and mirrors and then something went wrong that caused the blow-dryers to blow their fire too fiercely that made the fire spread and feed off the chemicals in the soap and water did nothing to stop anything and then the garage doors closed due to some type of malfunction and I died of carbon monoxide poisoning because my car was still on and I was not even aware that the doors were closed.

WHAT THEN?!

At least then all of you little dickholes who make fun of me for being scared of the carwash would feel really guilty because it turned out all my worst fears about it came true.