Tag Archive: contacts

Going to the dentist no longer upsets me. Walking into a doctor’s office does not make me nervous. Make me go to the eye doctor, and you might get a slap across the face. I fucking hate going.

It’s not like I’m freaked out by eyes or think that it’s gross to touch my eyes or whatever.  I wear contacts- it’s a way of life. I just hate everything about the experience of going to the eye doctor.

It goes back to a few years ago, probably. Maybe even when I was in high school. To be quite honest, I’m not sure when it happened, but it definitely started when I had boobs. And could go places without the help of my parents.

Clear as day, I remember making an appointment to get my eyes checked to get another year-supply of contacts. I wasn’t PO’d about going, in fact I was pretty okay with the whole thing because I actually enjoy trying on different frames to see what I’d look like if I had cooler glasses than the pair I currently have. Anyway, everything was going just fine until the part where I actually go called to go into the tiny little room where the eye exam is actually conducted.

I don’t know what it is, but the most important requirement for becoming an eye doctor must be that you’re creepy as fuck.

I swear to God, it doesn’t matter how many places I go, how many times I switch carriers or even what day and time I make an appointment. Every single time, I get a new eye doctor. It’s always a dude and there is always something slightly not right about him.

It seems like every time I go, the guy is probably the same age as my dad, and is always just… inappropriate. For example, as he speaks to me about his wife and teenage daughter who “probably isn’t much younger than you haahaha” he just stares directly at my boobs.

No thank you!

We are not in any place for that to be okay with me. Please look away, sir, and behave as though your wife and teenage daughter can see you. Meaning: get the fuck away from me.

I can think of one- ONE!- who was actually hot and I didn’t mind that he was all up in my grill as he was asking me, “One, or two? Two, or three?”  We laughed over stories of drunken antics and quoted lines from The Hangover. Him, I was totally fine with. I didn’t even hold it against him when he had to drop that sticky yellow stuff into my eyes and then poke at my eyeball with a plastic instrument.

The man who checked out my eyes today at least drew attention to the fact that he may be a creeper.  He told me he was going to “tuck in a little closer” for the part where he flips his little lenses in front of my eyes to see how blind I am.  He told me to move my hand so he didn’t “seem like a pervert” or “creepier” than I already thought he was.

I laughed awkwardly but really just wanted all of it to be over.  Too right he was.

I mean, I wasn’t sexually harassed or anything but it’s just so uncomfortable. Too bad it’s something I must put up with once a year.  A necessary evil.

C’est la vie.

So, for the past two days, I’ve been composing a list of reasons my life is hard. Most of these things are reasons that I came up with while watching The Hills on MTV (don’t judge me- it’s a good show! bahaha).

The list is as follows:

Reasons my life is hard

1.) There are no cute boys in my new accounting class.

Hello?! I already knew the class was going to suuuuuuuuck- it’s accounting, that’s a given. But, like, it’s cruel and unusual punishment to not even put one cute boy in there to take away some of boring-ness. Ugh. My life is hard.

2.) I’m currently taking managerial accounting.

Perhaps this should have been listed first, but clearly you see my priorities. Excuse me, I understand I’m working on getting my MBA, but, really, is accounting really necessary? I mean… come on. Money’s not, like, that important… okay, fine. You win, MBA program, you win. My life is so hard.

3.) My borrowed contacts are starting to hate me.

The left one was all kinds of blurry Wednesday morning while I was driving to work. I almost took it out and put it back in but then I remembered I was driving. And if texting and driving is no longer permissible, I’m assuming law enforcement and fellow drivers (we all know how great of a driver I am) would be upset if I was now voluntarily fucking with my vision. I decided against it but then I remembered the time I took my contacts out while driving on I-96 one morning and searched for my glasses after my contacts were already out. My cruise control was set. I lived. It’s totally fine.

4.) The lamp on my desk broke.

Like totally broke. It’s not just that light bulb burned out. I flicked the little switch and there was a pop sound and then the light bulb just, like, fell out. The top part, the part with the screw-y part, was missing. WTF does that mean?! So I looked up there and was like HOW DO I FIX THIS?! You can’t come back from that. You just can’t. I wasn’t about to stick my fingers up in there! So I unplugged it and threw the piece of crap away. Time to invest in a new “task lamp.” My life is hard.

5.) Brody Jenner keeps referring to Kristin Cavallari as his sister.

TO HER FACE. WTF?!?! I know that The Hills isn’t actually “real” but it’s real to me! You do not have “sexual relations” with your sister! That is just…. not right. And that’s just rude to say to some girl you used to date and to whom you still have some sort of attraction! Especially when you know she wants to be with you! Dick move, sir! Also, I just really want Kristin and Brody to get back together for real. I hate fake reality. And I hate Avril Lavigne. I have so many feelings. My life is so hard.

6.) When my hair is in a ponytail, it tickles the back of my neck and gives me the willies/the chills.

I need a haircut? *whine*

7.) The City is still on the air.

I don’t watch that show but it comes on right after The Hills and I am forced to see commercials for it. That Olivia girl is the biggest C yoU Nest Tuesday ever. I hate that she exists. I wish she’d go back into obscurity and stop being so terrible. *rage blackout*

8.) I woke up twenty minutes late Wednesday morning.

It totally messed up my routine and completely threw me into a panic. I hate being late and I just can’t handle when things deviate from a plan. It freaks me out. It’s hard being me.

9.) The normal road I take to GTFO this tiny part of town I live in is totally blocked off due to construction of a “beautiful new park.”

I don’t appreciate this. Okay, fine, yes, there is another road like two feet away from it that takes me exactly to the same street the one under construction takes me to, but still. I hate it. The one I’m forced to take needs to be repaved. And I drive by it every day and have to make an illegal U-turn when I remember that my road is closed. Ugh. My life is so hard.

Okay. Enough complaining for today. Thanks for listening. You’re just such a good friend.

What are some ridiculous reasons your life is hard?? Do you feel the same way about Kristin and Brody as I do? Why does Summer = Construction?!?!


I have issues with my eyes.

Before this year, I could go weeks- months, even!- without changing my contacts. All of a sudden, this year, like clockwork, my eyes let me know it is TIME to change my contacts.

Also, lately, at night, my eyes do this weird thing where they just… don’t really work very well. Mostly because my contacts get fuzzy and my eyes just don’t like it. Megan calls it night blindness.

Here is another fact for you: I’m a terrible driver.

Now, I know you’re probably wondering how these are all related. Let me tell you, friends, they’re not really related at all.  Except, of course, that they kind of are.

It seems that despite the fact that all of these things are true, people still choose to

1) get in a vehicle with me

2) allow me to drive

3) allow me to drive with them in my vehicle in the evening hours

People fear for their lives.

Well, hello! I can’t see!

And it has nothing to do with my prescription. My eye doctor is sexyyyyy and quoted lines from The Hangover back and forth with me and was not married. Win. Win. Win. My prescription is totally perfect and my contacts work. Except when they don’t. Which is exactly every two weeks (I should really follow accuvue’s instructions.)

Something magical happened, though. Just last Friday, my contacts started doing that weird thing. That thing that makes it feel like I have acid in my eyes. It makes me feel like my cornea is conspiring with my retina, like they’re packing up their belongings and getting the eff out of town until I decide to take care of them and replace the plastic that covers them on a daily basis.

Last Friday, I took my contacts out. And washed them down the sink. (I don’t know if that’s okay to do but I do it sometimes.) I did this, knowing I didn’t have back-up contacts with me. I also knew there was no way I was going to be wearing my glasses for days. I already did that a couple times this year because my eyes were so angry with me. So, being resourceful and part-genius, I asked Drew if he had contacts with my same prescription because last time I knew we totally matched. He said he did.

It wasn’t until I washed my contacts away that he/we realized he most definitely does not have the same prescription as I do. He is -4.00 and -3.50. That is not the same as -3.75 in each eye.

Remember how I said I was part-genius? The part that is not-so-genius asked, “Should I just wear one of each to balance it out??”

Drew said, “No.”

We decided that I was to wear the -4.00s in each of my eyes. The magical thing is that I can see just fine! Imagine that!!

I’m still a terrible driver, and my passengers last night to and from seeing A-Team still risked their lives, but I noticed a difference. Ever-so-slightly, there was an improvement.

Megan even noticed. I know this because when she asked me if I wanted to hang out tonight, she said this:

you gonna put Drew’s contacts in again so you can drive?

Would you consider yourself a “good driver?” Do you have a friend who makes you grab the “oh shit!” bar when they drive? Have you ever thrown up in someone’s car?? Share a driving story in a comment!!