Tag Archive: america


I’m taking a breather from figuring out the net present value of stuff for my finance homework and listening to the State of the Union as background noise.

I want to just point out that something happened to Obama on my TV.

While Joe Biden looks all normal and pink, almost like a baby, and the speaker of the house (whoever that is- I’m a terrible, uninformed citizen. And it certainly doesn’t help that I’ve been living in a hole in the ground, watching only Veronica Mars on DVD) looks nicely tanned and has a good, healthy glow about him, President Obama looks… jaundice.

First, I thought he looked yellow, like an Oompa Loompa, because I was watching Fox. (I had been watching a Glee rerun, “Furt,” to be specific.) So I switched to CNN. Still really yellow.

The weird thing is his hands look like a normal skin color, his normal skin color. So I know that it’s something about his face.

My guess is that The Man is trying to make him more white.

Obviously, they’re not doing a very good job.

Seriously, the jig is up.

Anyway, I enjoy listening to Obama talk. I’m not really sure I could tell you what he talked about in this State of the Union, but his enunciation is like a dream. The inflection he uses when he speaks is like a song. I’d like his speech pattern on Facebook if I could. I’d like it like Lionel Richie, all night long.

On a somewhat related note, Seneca and I had a brief discussion of stupid rules within the English language. She mentioned that the “I” before “E” except after “C” rule is stupid and false.

I told her, “I think the I before E thing is bull.”

Seneca basically agreed, “It’s an attempt to make English less ridiculous, and it fails.”

So then, because I’m succinct and can think of more than one thing at a time, I essentially ended our conversation with the following awesomeness: “English just… sucks, much like America, where all of these rules exist but there are always a bunch of loopholes.”

See why it’s related??? President Obama, State of the Union, America…?

Genius.

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Today is July 4th.

That means that it’s Independence Day here in the lovely United States of America. The Land of the Free.

I learned yesterday on the conference call at work that 26% of American’s have no clue what that means.

The question posed to all of us yesterday on the call was “What percentage of Americans do not know what country the United States gained their independence from?” and the girls at work were like “KATIE!”, which meant I was to un-mute our phone and chime in with my answer, which was 24%. Because I just know random stuff like that. I didn’t chime in. But other people did, and they threw out answers like 76% and 5%  because they obviously lack the weird trivia knowledge I have been blessed with. But whatever, I was like, “it’s probably, like, 24% or something.” And then he told us the answer.

26%.

What the fuck? How does that happen?!

That is more than a quarter of Americans. One in 4 Americans have no effing idea. THE HORROR!

That’s just appalling. Because you knowww that it is precisely that 26% of Americans that celebrate this day hardcore. They’re the ones riding their John Deere mowers in their town’s 4th-Of-July Parade. They’re the ones who are grilling out and eating massive quantities of potato salad (yum, by the way!). They’re the ones who have more than one cooler filled with American-made beer in their back yard, on their boat, in their kid’s stroller, their golf bag, the plastic pool intended for small children (or family pets). That 26% dresses in red, white, and blue, buys illegal fireworks and blows shit up because it’s freakin’ independence day!

But that 26% has no clue that it was Great Britain. Idiots.

Anyway, I wanted to talk about something else that is important.

I was thinking this morning after reflecting on a particularly disturbing dream (read: free willy eats family friend- sad times!).  Marine creatures kinda freak me out. And I remembered that Brittany, aka the best character on Glee, made a comment about sharks and dolphins. I think she said “did you know dolphins are just gay sharks?”  I’m convinced she’s right.

All of this led me to this conclusion:

Manatees are just retarded dolphins.

Happy 4th of July, my lovelies! 🙂

Please be safe- don’t blow your hand or face off and don’t drink and drive!