So in case you live under a rock, there was a giant snowstorm that hit Michigan (and some other places too) this week.  As far as I know, it was pretty much one giant snowday.

While it seemed like every school and place of business had waved the white flag of defeat at the snow and Mother Nature, I just had a feeling that the Bank would say a big Eff You to all of it and open at our normal time.

There had been big talk about this Snopocolypse 2011. The National Weather Service had been issuing alerts and shiz since Monday- or maybe even before. I only heard the Blizzard of Oz was on its way because it seemed like every single one of my customers was asking me if I was ready for the snowstorm. I just pretended I knew what any of them were talking about. I had heard estimates of Snowmageddon, ranging from 12 to 16 inches. Holy shit that’s a lot of snow.

But I’m no idiot.

I am no longer that hopeful child, praying to the Snow Gods for a snowday. I’m not that middle schooler who purposely “forgot” to do her “homework” because she was holding out hope for the elusive snowday.  Ohhh, no. I am no longer an innocent.

I’m a realist, bitches.

With all this talk of Snotorious B.I.G., I was sure it wouldn’t come. I was sure we would see maybe six inches of snow. I was sure that all of those dickholes who were already celebrating the forthcoming snowday were celebrating prematurely. I guess the joke would have been on me since snowdays had already been called but still. Everyone else got to celebrate and I didn’t. I didn’t get to celebrate because I knew the Bank would not close. Not for anything. Not even for Snotorious B.I.G.

I mean, I wasn’t due into work at 12:15 pm so I figured that would give me plenty of time to hang out and wait for those six inches of snow I was predicting to be cleared.

I got a call at 7:30 am from my boss saying that the Bank would be opening at 11am rather than our regular 9 am. That was when I thought that maybe Snotorious B.I.G. had made an appearance.

After that first phone call, I slipped out of bed and poked my head around the blinds on my sliding glass door. Holy shit. We got a fuck-ton of snow.

Weather is voodoo magic and shouldn’t be fucked around with. Meteorologists are overpaid slackers. They don’t know shit.

I should have known when I was woken up by the sound of Thundersnow & Lightning. Awesome and totally outrageous. Talk about snOMG!

I shit you not, there is currently a three-foot drift right outside my bedroom.

At ten o’clock, my boss was on a call with our market team trying to assess the situation and to figure out if and/or when we should open our branch.

Long story short, the Bank didn’t open.

Hallelujah!! Snow. Day.

The only thing was that we were asked to provide updates on the roads and weather situation in our area.  My first update was that while we had managed to dig out our driveway (despite the fact that we have a plow service come every day to clear off our driveway), our roads hadn’t been plowed and there was a sheet of ice under all the snow. That was when I had a really good idea.

And by really good idea I mean terrible and completely dim-witted.

I actually managed to convince my mother to venture out into the frozen tundra.  You know, to be able to provide accurate updates on our road and weather conditions. Dude, I was doing my job.

Needless to say, we got stuck in the snow.

Tam’s cute little hybrid Saturn Vue couldn’t handle all the snow.  We even took the long way home after the first time we got stuck. And after we got stuck the second and third time. The last time, though, it was a situation too big for us to handle ourselves.

I called AAA to have them help us.  We were stuck in a biiiiiig way, and we needed some serious help. But, uhm, AAA can S my D because they would not help us. Apparently, because one of the roads were were stuck on (oh yeah, we were stuck in an intersection, lol) wasn’t plowed, they were going to have to refuse service.

Fuck that.

Her suggestion was that we notify the authorities that we were stuck and have them help us. Or just wait for our roads to be plowed.

Uhhhhm, fuck that.

So I not-so-nicely thanked the lady on the phone and then started my trek home.

The good news was that we were weren’t all that far from home.

By the time I got back to the car (after longest walk of my life) with a shovel to dig the car out, Tam was already being helped by two men who had two large vehicles. Oh, the joys of having really nice neighbors!

The man with the giant SUV had pulled Mom out of the snow she was stuck in and the man in the giant truck was driving through the snow to make tracks for us so we wouldn’t get stuck again.

Finally, we got home and we both kicked off our boots (or, actually, tam wore Target-brand slipper/clog/fuzzy weird shoe things while I had worn boots). Then we stripped off our pants, tossed ‘em into the dryer and crawled into our respective beds to get warm again.

All in a day’s work.

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