Today is July 4th.

That means that it’s Independence Day here in the lovely United States of America. The Land of the Free.

I learned yesterday on the conference call at work that 26% of American’s have no clue what that means.

The question posed to all of us yesterday on the call was “What percentage of Americans do not know what country the United States gained their independence from?” and the girls at work were like “KATIE!”, which meant I was to un-mute our phone and chime in with my answer, which was 24%. Because I just know random stuff like that. I didn’t chime in. But other people did, and they threw out answers like 76% and 5%  because they obviously lack the weird trivia knowledge I have been blessed with. But whatever, I was like, “it’s probably, like, 24% or something.” And then he told us the answer.

26%.

What the fuck? How does that happen?!

That is more than a quarter of Americans. One in 4 Americans have no effing idea. THE HORROR!

That’s just appalling. Because you knowww that it is precisely that 26% of Americans that celebrate this day hardcore. They’re the ones riding their John Deere mowers in their town’s 4th-Of-July Parade. They’re the ones who are grilling out and eating massive quantities of potato salad (yum, by the way!). They’re the ones who have more than one cooler filled with American-made beer in their back yard, on their boat, in their kid’s stroller, their golf bag, the plastic pool intended for small children (or family pets). That 26% dresses in red, white, and blue, buys illegal fireworks and blows shit up because it’s freakin’ independence day!

But that 26% has no clue that it was Great Britain. Idiots.

Anyway, I wanted to talk about something else that is important.

I was thinking this morning after reflecting on a particularly disturbing dream (read: free willy eats family friend- sad times!).  Marine creatures kinda freak me out. And I remembered that Brittany, aka the best character on Glee, made a comment about sharks and dolphins. I think she said “did you know dolphins are just gay sharks?”  I’m convinced she’s right.

All of this led me to this conclusion:

Manatees are just retarded dolphins.

Happy 4th of July, my lovelies! 🙂

Please be safe- don’t blow your hand or face off and don’t drink and drive!

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