I slept like a baby last night. (Why is that an expression? Babies are terrible sleepers. Just ask anyone who has an infant.) (I guess what I’m trying to say is that I slept really, really well last night.)

I think it had something to do with the fact that I didn’t sleep alone, like I had the previous two nights.

Something just wasn’t right the nights before. I missed having someone to hang onto, snuggle up to. But alas, he returned last night and I wasn’t alone anymore.

He’s the perfect sleeping companion; he doesn’t snore or breathe too loud. He doesn’t steal all the covers  or hog the entire bed. He doesn’t kick in the dead of night and give me bruises all over. He doesn’t breathe on my neck and create so much body heat that I feel like I’m in a sweat lodge, ready to die and/or hallucinate. He’s also a complete gentleman (read: he doesn’t grope me or try to make me have sex when I don’t feel like it).

Okay. I know you wanna know who this diamond in the rough is. You’re just dyingggg. Well, my lovelies, I’ll tell you.

LP.

isn't he precious??

LP stands for Little Pillow. He’s little. He’s a pillow. Makes sense.

I took pictures of him with his clothes on, even though Leah likes to make him naked and steal him.  (Or put him in her shirt and pretend her eggo is preggo and let me take glamour shots of it.) Drew likes to take LP away from me and hide him. And punch him so he’s not as fluffy. It breaks my cold, black heart.

the scariest cat ever.

SO. I remembered that I had had to wash him because Stella is evil and was mad at me and peed on my bed two nights ago. Again. Sick. (She is evil and one of those cats that would smother you in your sleep and suck the life right out of you.) That little bitch is nottttt allowed in my room and I curse her existence any time I see her .You would think she’d get the hint… (maybe that’s why she does this to me??) Anyway, despite not actually being peed on, LP was close enough that I was like, listen, buddy, there’s no way. You gotta get yourself cleaned up before you can get close to thissssssss. So I washed him and then forgot about him.  He basically just hung out in the dryer for two days. NBD.

But THEN I remembered that he was indeed in the dryer, all clean and not smelling like cat pee (which, by the way, is the most disgusting smell EVER.) so I went and got him. It was a SQUEEEEE! moment. Reeeeuniiiited and it feeeeeels so gooooood!!! He was the fluffiest I had EVER seen him. It was glorious.

I immediately went to show Drew, who was already in bed, giggling like a little girl to video highlights from the world cup (I don’t understand sports?).

Oh my gawd, Drew, look at LP! He’s so fluuuuuuuffy! Ewe’s not fat, ewe’s just fluffy!

???? *unamused face*

LOOK at him!

What the fuck is wrong with you? And why are you not wearing pants?!

I didn’t respond, I just hugged LP closer. (He was naked. LP was. Not Drew. Thought I’d make the clarification.) Plus, Drew should be used to me not wearing pants at this point in our lives.

Drew held out his hand, like he wanted me to hand over LP.

Dude. I know better. You’re gonna punch him and make him less fluffy. Or you’ll rub your sack on him. Not happening.

I promise I won’t. I just want to see how fluffy he is.

I don’t trust you.

Katie, I promise. Let me see him.

Okay. (I’m retarded.)

Drew squeezed him and punched him several times before I could rip LP from his grip. 😦

just for the sake of comparison. LP is on the left, all cute and tiny. And on the right is a regular sized, fancy pillow. All huge. And not as cute.

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